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This diary entry is written by ‹zella;;the[[eccentric]]girl›. ( View all entries )
Previous entry: Diary 4 January 2011 in category (general)

i miss my friend....but...Category: (general)
Sunday, 9 January 2011
02:30:39 AM (GMT)
she doesnt understand.
nomatter how much id like to explain
she doesnt realize
the feelings in my heart
and all the pain
shes not me
she'll never be
ill never think
she ever will see
that in my heart
in my mind
under everything i look or act like
im still me
that girl from sixth grade
im still me
its no parade
if she doesnt see
who i am inside
she's changed more than
all my lost pride

but in this new year
i shall pronounce
my life will change
nomore game of friendship bounce
if she comes back she does
and well be friends forever
if she stays back  behind the buz
ill never listen to apologies later.

i may look or act completely like a scene
i may seem to be everything she may think i may be
but shes not here to listen to me cry
im always her shoulder
always by her ide
ive never told her the things ive ALWAYS wanted to say
like how i was raped 3 times
or how i miss her everyday

the problem about this
little poetic ryme
is that im letting loose
all my heart at one time
ill announce to the world
i dont fucking care
you can all fucking suck air

so if you ever read this, my dearest kim...
if you ever see this, ill let you know my ytears are at brim..
my heart is aching
and its breaking
you dont and wont understand my pain
your a childish fool
if you think
my life is just a game

let me tell you as "friend" to friend
those pictures that we took?
i look at every night before bed.
you never really tryed
to get to know the real me
the reasons why i 99% of the time
cry before i sleep.
the work i put into finding who i am?
or did you ever know how badly i miss my real dad?
you have a mother. and a bfather, and so much more.
im constantly walking right out the door.
looking behind me? never.
thinking blindly?
trying kindly?
i only try to be me, nothing more or nothing better.

a fashion is a fashion.
its nothing more and nothing less.
following the crowd is nothing
when you have no want to be like the rest.

i sty up, night and day, never sleep, and always think,
my father, who is he?
i really miss him so.
did you know i have a grandma that died two weeks ago?
she wanted to meet me ohsobadly, my fathers mother.
now ill never know, my fathers side, the others.
my heart is aching its really breaking you never will understand
if you could see through my mask
the pain i hide  forever andd
my heart is aching its really breaking im fineally done.
this isnt even the begining of who i really am.


‹Loli› says:   15 January 2011   685185  
i tryed so hard to get you to talk to me, and you always pushed me
away! i tryed to ask you whats wrong and you laughed it off saying it
was nothing. i pushed and poushed and you hid farther and farther back
into your shell! i dont believe in your scene facade, but you gave me
no other choice. when you stopped being yourself in front of me it
hurt and thats when all my hate came from. it was like you couldnt
trusty me. your so much stronger than me. your actully stable when
people come to you asking you what wrong. you shake your head and and
tell them your fine. i break, thats why your my shoulder, because your
the only one i trust. im sworry you dont trust me. and i have changed
so much since 6th grade. more then you would ever know.
‹zella;;the[[eccentric]]girl› says:   16 January 2011   491804  
Most of this poem, i shouldnt of pushed it towards you, that was  a
horrible day for me and i blamed everything on you cause we were
fighting and i was upset.
sorry :S 
‹Loli› says:   16 January 2011   622428  
so you dont feel that way about me? 
‹Loli› says:   16 January 2011   601545  
you should know the entire time we were fighting i was tracking your
kupika, facebook, and tinier me =) 
‹zella;;the[[eccentric]]girl› says:   16 January 2011   970737  
no, im sorry if it seemed that way.
it was, like no joke, one of the worst days ive had.and i blamed it on
you for some stupid reason i cant even remember.
so, robby says he wont talk to me till he cares enough to.
idk what the fuck i did, but it hurt me real bad. 
‹Loli› says:   16 January 2011   740230  
‹zella;;the[[eccentric]]girl› says:   16 January 2011   514404  
lol i love you :D 
‹Loli› says:   16 January 2011   358669  
‹zella;;the[[eccentric]]girl› says:   16 January 2011   237092  
oh hell no XD im not putten his numba online :] 
‹Loli› says:   16 January 2011   521132  
do it!!!
and im with my dad 
‹zella;;the[[eccentric]]girl› says:   16 January 2011   231808  
kakay ill send ur dad a pic of the painting im nearly done with your
GONNA LOVE ITT!!! and fine his numba ish:17076850728
‹Loli› says :   24 January 2011   567532  
kaykay, ill make sure his numbah get the worst prank calls ;P 

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