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rants, opinions and sickness, oh my!Category: (general)
Friday, 7 May 2010
08:31:24 PM (GMT)
it's so weird right now. i've never actually enjoyed being quiet, and listening to
the quiet. and because i'm not talking, and keeping myself busy and listening to
things, i can't stop thinking. some good, some bad. mostly bad. but i'm a negative
person, so that's not much of a surprise. i can't stop thinking about the future. and
death. as much as it scares me, i want to think about it. i talked to mark about it,
and it doesn't scare him as much. then we started talking about religion. he only
believes in god because he's come to terms with the fact that we all are so horribly
insignificant, and the fact that we are alive, it all seems too coincidental to just
be an accident. i don't have my reason down to a science like he does, i just simply
don't want to believe in any of it. i can't. it literally pisses me off just thinking
about it. none of it seems realistic to me. it's like telling me that there is an
Ariel out there. there just isn't. sometimes i think so deep into it, that maybe
somebody made all of it up, just to give us all hope. just to make us think that
death isn't the end, and our life isn't so pathetic and short. and they gave us just
enough evidence to make all the naive people believers. but enough about that. today
sucked. mainly because i had to talk. this is probably a really bad thing. the fact
that it's easier for me to type than actually talk. like, i actually enjoy not
talking. it irritates me now. i've mainly felt this today. i wonder how many other
people have felt this? probably not alot. oh well. i also wonder if alot of people
have as much problems as me, health wise. of course, i'm glad i don't have cancer, or
aids or something like that. it's just little things. but it feels so big now. i
wonder if people go through all this, and it's normal. i see people everyday, and
they have nothing wrong with them. also, what prevents people from not becoming bad?
abusive, for example. say, two brothers have an abusive father. one of the brothers
grows up to have a nice wife, and they have a nice, normal life. the other brother
has a wife, and he beats her like crazy. what makes that one brother think it's fine
because his father did it? what makes that one brother think it's bad because his
father did it? i suppose it would be common sense, but that would only work for the
nice brother. if you can't tell, i'm just spilling everything out that i've been
collecting in my mind for a few days. but i'll stop for now. 
i should keep doing this, it feels good.
Last edited: 7 May 2010

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