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Existentialism (Short Story)Category: (general)
Tuesday, 6 October 2009
11:24:21 PM (GMT)
“God dammit!” she screamed.

Rewind. Back. Back when she was a little child, focusing the glare of her father's
flashlight on unsuspecting shadows. On these days she complained of a knotted
stomach,
and wasn't content with staying at home. Her parents stood nearby watching,
concerned.

Evaluation after evaluation, she was always fine, her behavior, though a bit strange
seemed entirely normal. Now...

“Fuck, fuck, fuck!” she screamed. Tears ran down her cheeks. She kicked a hole in
the
side of the comforter. “I have terrible balance! Rolling, rolling, rolling down
this
vertical faced cliff into an abyss no light can unveil. Is this a cover-up? My
personal
life is nowhere to be found. What am I searching for? Stepping further into a
non-existent realm... like anything will cure this unbelievable itch! And this
facade! Is
it? How can one who sees the universe stripped bare possibly carry out these common
emotions put on by the common man? Why did I enter into this? Why do I continue to
dig
around? What is a fucking intellectual?! A person dissatisfied with questions...
such
beautiful questions. Then the answers sink down past the gates of hell, and suddenly
the
common man is transformed into a hideous, egotistical beast who fucks any questions
that
move (unnerved by innocence) all while using a bitter, patronizing tone.”

No one knocked on her door that evening. That was the evening she ripped in half an
insignificant book. That was the evening she screamed her thoughts, paper not enough.
That was the evening she bled and bled and bled, then ate and ate and ate.

“Curse the walls and the grass and the sea. I'm spoiled raw meat.”

She stuck her fingers down her throat to force open the knot.

“The exotic fish in the tank carry streams of shit. The actress has red bumps. The
cereal has little holes and I want to crawl inside. I want to douse myself in red
bumps and shit. I want everyone to douse themselves in red bumps and shit until it
becomes beautiful. Then I want to cum for a lifetime, climax building until death
blackens eternity.”

They called her “smart” and “attractive” and “the most amazing person I've
ever met in my life”. They bid on her and she was traded for 64 kopecks and the
fattest sow. She talked to herself in the mirror with the flashlight until all the
black receded. Now it was in her stomach.

She pointed the flashlight down her throat. The mirror wasn't bold enough.

“God is bought and sold, while in creeps black despite my heightened awareness,
down, down, down my throat.”

It was a winter's night. No one came to her door. All clocks were hidden. Was it 5:30
or 1?

She closed her eyes, sure not to fall asleep.

After an hour, she wrote down on the notepad, “Check under sofa”, shut the world
off and slipped into Heaven.
Last edited: 7 October 2009

Comments 
lunasan says:   7 October 2009   713489  
Random depressed person of soem age or another who commits suicide?
 
UnnaturalBoy says:   7 October 2009   546823  
No, heaven is metaphoric here. It's an imaginary world much like our
own inside her own mind.
 
‹<3 Alison› says:   7 October 2009   934596  
HA! that means I actually got it! like she excaped to her "happy
place"
 
lunasan says:   7 October 2009   165169  
In that case, you should make it clearer. Maybe replace 'Heaven' with
'Haven'
and show what IS in her head and WHY it is that whoever is asking
those ranodm questions is asking thaem.
 
UnnaturalBoy says:   7 October 2009   767937  
I'm implying that Heaven (What you perceive as Heaven and Hell) are
imaginary.
 
lunasan says:   7 October 2009   577886  
You're ATTEMPTING to imply that as the writer, no?
Did anyone read this before you put it down?

I'm sorry if it seems like I'm being... critisizing... or something.
But I'm determinded like that.
 
lunasan says:   7 October 2009   557335  
determined*
 
‹<3 Alison› says:   7 October 2009   559236  
I got it when I read it. He is saying to you (us) that heaven is
suposed to be the one good thing. Like it has golden gates. and all
that good stuff. So when you are at a doctors, he says, "go to your
happy place" some see their parents, or their friends. MAinly the
past. He is implying that heaven is a name for her happy place.
 
lunasan says:   7 October 2009   357956  
Okay, I see that you get that.
But how many others will- and again, what is the REST of the story?
None of this seems clear, even after reading it a few times.
 
‹<3 Alison› says:   7 October 2009   747683  
It doesnt need the rest. Its a short story
 
lunasan says :   7 October 2009   912724  
I don't mean as in "there has to be more, right?"
I mean as in "WTH does everythign ELSE mean? WHAT is it THERE for?"
 
 
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