Monday, 28 September 2009
07:04:56 PM (GMT)
After a weekend spent wallowing in the misery of recent events I decided to pick
myself up and take affirmative action in my bid to win Jenny back from the pathetic
arms of the boy who likes Coldplay. I visited the Robot in charge of Writing
Greetings Card Messages and he came up with the brilliant idea of writing her a poem.
After literally seconds of deliberation I came up with a poem that was sure to make
her heart melt just as easily as my heart melting raygun could. It went like this -
with your body so susceptible to diseases
and the ravages of old age.
your splintering bones would sound like rainfall
on a tin roof in Paris,
and whose bruises are a million times more beautiful
than Carribean sunsets.
your body one day will lay beneath the earth,
and oh how I wish I could be the worm that gets
to nibble on your swollen, rotting flesh.
Incredibly upon seeing the poem she wasn't impressed. This was partly due to the
'inappropriate content' and partly because I had daubed said poem in large letters on
the door of her parents house using lambs blood. She went on to explain that if I
ever got within six feet of her in the future she would call the police.
Back to the wallowing in misery then