Tuesday, 5 May 2009
10:20:39 PM (GMT)
I need it out.
In the open.
Uhm, i hate them.
Like really and truly.
They always argue.
She makes me feel low, like the lowest kind of low you can get.
And him, well, remember my letter?
I shouldn't have bothered.
Nothing i do matters.
They do not care.
Frankly, i have sort of given up caring myself.
Mum said the other day, that they're over.
Her and Dad.
She said, choose who you're going to live with.
Basically i told her i wanted neither, because i hated them both.
But, i think, if i had to choose i'd live with Dad.
Mum and i are just at each others throats all the time.
Even if dad is still an alcoholic, i like him better.
We seem to understand each other.
And although i haven't told him this, i know how he feels.
He used to threaten he was going to jump off a bridge or hang himself.
But, i feel that way too.
I can't talk to either, but i don't think i can live with them much longer.
I feel like a zombie.
No emotion left, just a shell.
We're such a broken fucked up family, and i don't know what to do.
But i have such a violent temper that i make things worse.
And i still feel i'd be better off not here.
Mum used to say stuff like "How can you say something like that, i brought you into
I wanted to reply, "Well i wish you hadn't!"
Sometimes i really wish they hadn't.
They used to be happy before i was born, i've seen the photos.
And now, i want them to be happy again.
But nothing ever happens the way you want.
I guess shit happens.
I'll just remain where i am, silently.