Friday, 21 March 2008
12:22:07 PM (GMT)
Lets face it-English is a crazy language,There's no egg in eggplant nor ham in
hamburger,there's neither apple nor pine in
pineapple.English muffins weren't invented in England nor french fries in France.
Sweetmeats aren't sweet while sweetbreads ,which aren't sweet, are meat.If you're
English-speaking,you take the language
for granted.But if you explore its paradoxes you find that quicksand can work
slowly,boxing rings are square and a guinea pig
is neither from Guinea nor is it a pig .
And why is it that writers write but fingers don't fing and hammers don't ham?If the
plural of tooth is teeth,why isn't the
the plural of booth beeth?One goose,two geese.So one moose two meese?
Doesn't it seem crazy that you can make amends but not one amend,you comb through
annals of history but not a single annal?
If you have a bunch of odds and ends and you get rid of all but one of them,what do
you call it?
If teachers taught why didn't the preachers praught?If a vegetarian eats vegetables
what do humanitarians eat?If you wrote a letter
perhaps you bot instead of bit your tongue?Sometimes i think all English speakers
should be committed to an asylum for the
verbally insane.In what language do people recite in a play and play at a
recital?Ship by car and send cargo by ship?Have noses
that run and feet that smell?Park in driveways and drive in parkways?How can a slim
chance and a fat chance be the same,while
a wise man and a wise guy be opposites,while quite a few and quite a lot are alike?
How can the weather be hot as hell one day and cold as hell another?How can you work
like a dog but also have a dogs life?
(i.e.an easy life)
Have you noticed that we talk about certain things only when they are absent?We talk
about horseless carriages and strapless
gowns ?We talk of unsung heroes and unrequited love,but have you ever met a "sung
hero" or experianced requited love?Have you
ever run into someone who is a spring chicken or would actually harm a fly?You have
to marvel at the lunacy of a language
in which your house can go up in flames as it burns down,in which you fill in a form
by filling it out and in which an alarm goes off
by going on.
But what we have to remember is that English was invented by people and not
computers,and it reflects the creativity of the human
race(Which ofcourse is not a race at all)That is why when stars are out,they are
visible,but when lights are out,they are invisible.
And why when i wind up my watch, i start it,but when i wind up this essay,
I end it!.