Tuesday, 31 July 2007
03:52:43 PM (GMT)
So, this entry is going to be an explanation of nonmonogamy. A quick disclaimer:
explaining nonmonogamy clearly in words isn't something I've managed to accomplish
yet, and it may not be possible, so you'll have to fill in the gaps with your own
thinking. You'll also need a fair degree of maturity and some experience with
relationships in general...
First, imagine all the things that you can get from a bf/gf (or bf/bf, or gf/gf)
relationship. The people I've asked have said things like care, love, security,
common interests, sex, affection, etc.
Now, cross out all the ones which you can't get from a close friendship. I'll go
through the ones I listed above.
One thing, though, one (actually two, but more on that later) thing cannot be gotten
from a friendship that can be gotten from a gf/bf (or gf/gf, or bf/bf) relationship,
otherwise known as a monogamous relationship, and that is ownership. The idea
that you are the only one who can be in that kind of a relationship with that other
Doesn't sound that romantic, does it?
Nonmonogamy is basically putting that idea into practise. To demonstrate, here is a
Monogamy works like this:
Peta loves Jamil. Peta asks Jamil to be her boyfriend. Jamil says yes.
Nonmonogamy works like this:
Peta loves Jamil. Jamil loves Peta. They both express this love for eachother in
whatever way they like.
This is the basics of nonmonogamy. There are various advantages and things you can do
with nonmonogamy that you can't do with monogamy, but that is for another entry.
- Care: You can get that from friendships, I think we're pretty sure of
- Love: A bit circular here... but if you think about it, you can love a
- Security: You feel secure with your friends. If a friend reassures you a
lot, then you feel secure, aye?
- Common Interests: Definitely.
- Sex: As disagreeable as you may find it, I think we can accept that it is
possible to have sex with a friend.
- Affection: Definitely. If you've never hugged a friend, you're missing