Friday, 5 August 2011
12:51:49 PM (GMT)
So this one time...
By the way, this isn't like a neat "once upon a time" story, it's just me blathering
So this one time a friend and I were watching the history channel, because it used to
be a cool educational network. Unfortunately, no one thought educational networks
were cool but me, so they all got filled with bullshit, like the Science Channel's
now seemingly endless "How It's Made" marathons, and the Animal Planet getting
Evidently, however, someone decided that a quick death like Animal Planet got would
be too kind for the History Channel, and instead it was filled with endless
conspiracy theory documentaries, broken up by the all too frequent attempts by
"believers" to convince the world that aliens built the pyramids, and that the reason
Akhenaten is depicted as having a large head rather than in traditional Egyptian
style is not because Akhenaten wished to go against Egytian tradition ("Like how he
changed the foundation of their religion during his rule?" "Yes.") but actually
because he was descended from aliens.
And somehow the show hosts never think to say: What? Pharaohs ruled from bloodlines
and if Akhenaten was descended from aliens then his whole family must have been and
would have share the same "strange" (realistic) features shown in Akhenaten's
They just don't mention it. Uuuugh... Why, people? Why??
So me and this friend were watching one of these "Pyramids built by aliens guys,
OMG!!" documentaries, and my friend says to me
"Wow, can you believe that no one realized the Egyptian pyramids were built by aliens
And I said "They weren't. The Egyptian pyramids were built by Egyptians."
My friend said "Haven't you been paying attention? A bunch of ancients with primitive
technology couldn't possibly have-"
"Wall of Great Zimbabwe." I said icily.
For those who aren't familiar with this story, the Wall of Great Zimbabwe was- is- a
very impressive work of engineering, as they were huge and lasting walls built
without mortar. Construction probably started around the eleventh century and
continued to the fourteenth.They were very big, very imposing, and held up very well.
So well, in fact, that when Europeans began exploring in the late nineteenth century,
the walls were still there, and they were still impressive.
So the Europeans said: "Wow! This is impressive! Do you know what this means?
... It means other Europeans were here before us!!"
It is an embarrassing moment for archaeology. The people who studied the ruins were
pressured by their white-supremist bosses to conclude that no one in Africa could
possibly have built a big impressive wall, and therefore someone else must have come
and done it for them. Of course it was later revealed that this conclusion was bogus,
racist, unbelievable, and above all wrong.
The pyramids were built a long time ago. Some of the tools used to build them have
been lost to time, and we don't know what the solutions they found to the problems
they faced during construction were anymore. Maybe the pharaohs themselves had the
records of their tools destroyed so that their descendants couldn't build a greater
monument then they had.
That doesn't mean we need another Wall of Great Zimbabwe incident.
My friend went back to watching the show while indulging herself in a nice, long sulk
that I didn't respect "her opinions" (which she hadn't had before watching that
propaganda program on television.)
... What? I'm no good at happy endings! >_>
True story, btw.