Saturday, 9 July 2011
06:48:44 AM (GMT)
This summer sucks, my life sucks, and my heart hurts like hell.
This summer, I'm hardly doing anything. ANYTHING. Just once in a while trips and
Saturday trips to the mall. My days are on repeat, wake up at 5:30, roleplay with
K-Pop partners, go back to bed when they're logged off, sleep until 2:00, eat, wait
until my mom leaves the room, uses Wii for internet to roleplay, eat, feed Benny,
feed my mom, play the Wii, run on the treadmill for 40 minutes, go on the computer,
sleep. Fucking boring, if you ask me.
My friends are hardly talking to me. I only have my roleplay friends to talk to. My
real life friends don't even ask to come over or ask me to arrange dates to go to
places with them. My mom is constantly blaming me for everything and is too fucking
stubborn to even buy me the book I need for summer reading. I really can't take it. I
even cut myself once. Really tempted to do it again.
Then I find out one of the guys I liked got into a relationship(?). My feelings for
him have dwindled but it still fucking hurt. He didn't even tell me personally then
he didn't like me and just found someone else. This douche. This fucking douche. And
this douche is the fucking reason why I think the Art Table is falling apart. I
pretended to be happy for him, replying to his status with: "Ooh, a relationship. Do
tell~ ;D" And I bet he doesn't even care that I'm hurting on the inside.
I'm afraid all four of them will leave me and I'll put a barrier around me again,
being the shy and reserved girl who refuses to talk or be close friends with anyone
because she's afraid to get hurt again.
I can't fucking take it. I just want to run away.
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