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This diary entry is written by ‹VanChan›. ( View all entries )
Previous entry: It's okay if you say no. in category (general)

Everything right now sucks.Category: (general)
Saturday, 9 July 2011
10:48:44 AM (GMT)
This summer sucks, my life sucks, and my heart hurts like hell.

This summer, I'm hardly doing anything. ANYTHING. Just once in a while trips and
Saturday trips to the mall. My days are on repeat, wake up at 5:30, roleplay with
K-Pop partners, go back to bed when they're logged off, sleep until 2:00, eat, wait
until my mom leaves the room, uses Wii for internet to roleplay, eat, feed Benny,
feed my mom, play the Wii, run on the treadmill for 40 minutes, go on the computer,
sleep. Fucking boring, if you ask me. 

My friends are hardly talking to me. I only have my roleplay friends to talk to. My
real life friends don't even ask to come over or ask me to arrange dates to go to
places with them. My mom is constantly blaming me for everything and is too fucking
stubborn to even buy me the book I need for summer reading. I really can't take it. I
even cut myself once. Really tempted to do it again.

Then I find out one of the guys I liked got into a relationship(?). My feelings for
him have dwindled but it still fucking hurt. He didn't even tell me personally then
he didn't like me and just found someone else. This douche. This fucking douche. And
this douche is the fucking reason why I think the Art Table is falling apart. I
pretended to be happy for him, replying to his status with: "Ooh, a relationship. Do
tell~ ;D" And I bet he doesn't even care that I'm hurting on the inside.

I'm afraid all four of them will leave me and I'll put a barrier around me again,
being the shy and reserved girl who refuses to talk or be close friends with anyone
because she's afraid to get hurt again.

I can't fucking take it. I just want to run away.

‹~(Shaywee)~› says:   10 July 2011   281626  
Hey. I'm really sorry. I know how you feel, kind of. And about the
IRL friends. That just sort of sniped me. I just feel bad that
whenever I go places I tell myself that I want to invite you, but part
of me says, "You know her mom. Are you sure you want to invite Vanner?
If she finds out she can't go, she'll just be sad." It just kills me.
I'm really sorry.
And another thing.
Do not. Start. To cut. It doesn't help one bit. And it hurts like a
fucking bitch. I need you to keep being the Savannah you are, and not
do the things I've done. Whatever you do, don't cut again, no matter
how tempting. It's really bad, especially if the knife (or whatever
you used) isn't clean.
and it especially sucks if the knife you used is thin and only
serrated on the bottom half so when you did it, half the cut was a
paper cut and half was deep.
Wanna talk to me about it? :c
‹VanChan› says:   10 July 2011   465478  
That happened to me. Totally sucked.
I did it a long time ago and promised myself I wouldn't do it again
but I still can't help but dig my fingernails into my wrist until it
But I want you guys to come over. Surely, my mom won't oppose to
I don't really need it. I just bought the Hunger Games at Target today
and I'm already halfway done. Literature always makes me feel better.
(It's really good, btw.) 
‹~(Shaywee)~› says :   11 July 2011   652826  
Mrf. What did you use?
How long? and like I said, please. Please don't do it again. I don't
want friends like you having to deal with the shit that I deal with,
and trying to fix it the way I try to fix it. I know the pain is
addicting, like what they say about tattoos, but before it gets any
worse, you have to stop. (Message me. Nao.)
Oh. Then let's have a party at Vanners house!
Yes, it's a wonderful book. 

Next entry: Stolen quizzie from Shay. in category (general)
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