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This diary entry is written by ‹Johnny Segment›. ( View all entries )
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.Category: (general)
Monday, 15 February 2010
12:59:49 PM (GMT)
what scares me more than anything is that everything is exactly as i see it. i can’t bring myself to believe in a god or ghosts or anything that can’t prove itself to be real. i wish i could believe that there will be something else other than leaving school and going to college and going to university and getting a job and paying bills and making money and getting a house and growing up. because the thought of all that happening just makes me want to cry. i don’t really care about any of that, i’m just doing it because that’s what i have to do. i’m so scared that everything will just be this, just cycles of the same things happening in different places at different times. i don’t want to feel that i have to be talented or rich or pretty to be happy. i don’t want to live in this world that i feel obliged to call beautiful. i want something i don’t believe in to happen.
i want something i don't believe in to happen
i want to be in a plane crash. i want monsters under the bed to come out in the night. i want to find wonderland. i want nightmares and mysteries and secrets. i don't want everything to make sense. i don't want to feel real any more, i want to feel infinite. i want to feel invincible. i want to feel like people in the books i read. i wish i could fall into another world where nothing is the same. i want to go to sleep and never wake up, but even my dreams have become boring. i don't want this to be everything. i think i need something else. i think i need to find something.

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