what scares me more
than anything is that everything is exactly as i see it. i can’t bring myself to
believe in a god or ghosts or anything that can’t prove itself to be real. i wish i
could believe that there will be something else other than leaving school and going
to college and going to university and getting a job and paying bills and making
money and getting a house and growing up. because the thought of all that happening
just makes me want to cry. i don’t really care about any of that, i’m just doing
it because that’s what i have to do. i’m so scared that everything will just be
this, just cycles of the same things happening in different places at different
times. i don’t want to feel that i have to be talented or rich or pretty to be
happy. i don’t want to live in this world that i feel obliged to call beautiful. i
want something i don’t believe in to happen.
i want something i don't believe in to happen
i want to be in a plane crash. i want monsters under the bed to come out in the
night. i want to find wonderland. i want nightmares and mysteries and secrets. i
don't want everything to make sense. i don't want to feel real any more, i want to
feel infinite. i want to feel invincible. i want to feel like people in the books i
read. i wish i could fall into another world where nothing is the same.
i want to go to sleep and never wake up, but even my dreams have become boring. i
don't want this to be everything.
i think i need something else.
i think i need to find something.