Friday, 1 January 2010
06:27:47 AM (GMT)
The past few years, my goal has been deceptively simple-
Resolution: Don't suck too much this year.
Unfortunately, I have never completed that one in... Er... Fourteen years six months
So because my mother, whom I love and admire (weird teen, right?) told me that I must
respect myself, and that respecting myself does not automatically turn me into
an egotistical bastard (pfft, okay mom, sure), I've decided to make a
But I happen to be a lousy human being, so I figured I'd just have to make a bunch!
Wish me luck.
Kirti's snarky New Years resolutions
1) Stop being such a ruddy failure
1A) Meaning no failing quizes, tests, labs, or projects
1B) ... Aaaand by extention, no failing your dang classes!
1C) While you're at it, don't be third to last to qaulify for away meets this
time. I mean gosh, what was that about? You were a disgrace to your school.
1D) Don't do anything that could result in one or more person snickering and
saying "epic fail".
2)Stop being so dang LAZY
2A) Get off your butt, and off your laptop and just don your homework.
2B) And chores.
2C) And learn Japanese.
2D) Yes, written counts.
2E) And you should study for school, too.
2F) Some more independent research would hurt either.
2G) You should run more, too.
2H) That's because if you don't, you will get fat.
3) Get a job, you lazy bum
3A) Yes I know no one is hiring, but work something the heck out.
4) Remember your dreams
4A) I mean honestly. Lady knows the only part of you that's worth anything is
your conciousness, and you lose it for an average of six hours a day.
5) Lose weight
5A) I mean, seven pounds. Really? You're supposed to be an athlete and
you're only seven pounds away from being over weight?
5B) Ten pounds lighter would be a good goal, I think.
5C) But don't go anorexic.
5D) Well, some fasting might be okay.
5E) I mean, common, at least anorexics have willpower.
5F) If you become bulimac though, be aware that you've become pathetic.
5G) Less pathetic then if you're overweight though.
5H) So use the wii fit, run to get in shape for preseason, eat better, eat less,
6) Write more
6A) You justify Kirti's Mind Theaters as practice writing, but you barely even do
6B) Gosh, maybe you could read TLO more if you did your job better.
6C) You probably disinspire people, your prediction peices are so lousy.
7) Write better
7A) It's not all natural talent, although you certainly lack that.
7B) One entry a day, that's worthy of being read.
8] Stop being so dang annoying
8A) 'Nuff said.
9) Stop being so annoyed
9A) Stupid people shouldn't annoy you. You are one.
9B) Yes you still have an IQ fifty points higher then the people who
irritate you, but 160 isn't that bloody high either.
9C) It's probably lower, you got that as a result on facebook anyway, you
10) Be less awkward
10A) With Emily.
10B) With your friends.
10C) With people you want as friends.
10D) With family.
10F) No one else matters. <-- Aha! Since they don't matter, I can say I
do this one!
11) Stop thinking you're better then everyone else
11A) You're not.
11B) You're worse.
12) Stop having low self esteem
12A) That means stop sucking so you don't have anything to feel bad about!
13) Stop having personality traits that directly conflict with each other
14) Clean your room
14A) Fold your clothes
14B) After washing them.
14C) Put the dirty ones in a hamper.
14D) And hang that poster, too!
15) Make your hair blonde again
16) Be more likable.
17) And generally... Don't suck too much this year!
... Sorry Mom! XD
Last edited: 1 January 2010