Saturday, 30 August 2008
09:15:32 PM (GMT)
Everywhere I Go
The Day of Kenny's Surprise
"I'll cross my fingers and pray it's okay."
Kyle and Bebe were going to get through this.
I knew it. (Not really.)
And I know this whole thing would reunite Stan and Wendy.
I knew that, too.
You want to know why?
BECAUSE I AM FUCKING KENNY CUPID MCCORMICK.
I. AM. INVINCIBLE.
Except those times when I died.
"Cartman!" Bebe interrupted my thoughts. "When are we going to barge in?!"
"Jesus, bitch, calm down," Cartman replied. "I told Kyle to gather lots of
information, so it's going to take a while!"
"How long is a while?" questioned Stan.
"Just long enough for Kyle and Rebecca to make out."
"WHAT?!" Bebe's expression was full of shock. "YOU CAN'T MAKE THEM DO THAT!"
"Shh!" My eyes widened. "You'll get us-!"
We all turned towards the voice. There stood a tall boy, around Kyle's height, (And
Kyle is pretty damn tall!) with wavy brown hair. He wore a green pullover sweater
with a white shirt underneath, and green pants.
"Jesus!" Wendy exclaimed. "He got taller!"
Mark walked up to Wendy. He was taller by two inches.
"Where's my sister?"
Wendy shook her head. "I don't know."
"You know where she is."
"No, I don't."
Stan was scowling. "Hey, she doesn't know, leave us alone! We're just hanging out!"
"YOU KNOW WHERE SHE IS," bellowed the overprotective son of a bitch.
"NO, WE DON'T!" Cartman said. "Stan, quick, backup!"
Stan tackled Mark to distract him.
Cartman ran over to a high window. "Kenny, quick!"
I ran over and climbed on him. "Rebecca's leaning in to kiss him! Wendy, go!" I
punched the window. Rebecca and Kyle both looked up at the window. I jumped down from
Cartman's shoulders, and he rubbed him shoulders.
"I'm not that heavy!" I exclaimed, then ran inside the warehouse.
Wendy was standing where Rebecca and Kyle should've been. She turned to me, pale.
Wendy dabbed Stan's wounds with a cotten ball dipped in alcohol. We found him
unconscious. Mark ran off.
"You know, this is like a Filipino song," Wendy commented. We stared at her
"Sana dalawa ang puso ko
Hindi na sana kailangan pang pumili sa inyo."
"What's it mean?" asked Stan. He winced as Wendy dabbed another wound on his cheek.
"If only I had two hearts
So I didn't have to choose between you two," Wendy translated.
"What's that-? OH! Oh, for Kyle. Yeah." I nodded my head. "If only Kyle had two
hearts, so he didn't have to choose between Gunwoman and Obsessive-Compulsive."
"Sure, let's call them that." Wendy shrugged.
"Hey, I'm right here!" Bebe exclaimed, scowling.
"Sorry, dude, but it's true," I said.
"Where are we going to find Kyle?!" Bebe ignored me. "H-He could be anywhere!"
"Let's raid the house." Stan winced again.
"Too obvious," scoffed Cartman.
"There's only one person who can solve this," I said.
"Nancy Drew?" Bebe said.
"Sherlock Holmes?" Stan said.
"No, you dumbasses!" I scowled. "The Mole."
We found Mole over at the park, on the swings. No one else knew he was still in South
"Mole, we need your help," I said, approaching me.
"I need your help!" Mole mocked, standing up. "You fucking Dora."
I scowled. "You're so damn mean!"
"Shut up, beetch. What the fook do you want?"
"Kyle. My best friend. He's been kidnapped. Do you think you can find him?" I felt
good calling Kyle my best friend.
The good feeling crashed and burned.
Bebe and Wendy stomped forward, and pulled violently on either sides of his shirt.
"YOU ARE GOING TO FIND HIM," Bebe yelled.
"YOU HEAR US?" Wendy added.
The Mole scowled. "...Yes."
They let go.
"Good," they said in unison.
"What's he look like?" the Mole asked me bitterly.
"Green ushanka, orange and green jacket, forest green pants," I described him. "Big
I eyed his shovel carefully. What the hell was frickin' garden shovel doing on his
back?! That was manly.
Mole squinted at me, reading my expression. Or my thoughts.
"It's not a garden shovel, beetch."
Disclaimer: The only thing I own here is
fook my imagination.