Monday, 3 September 2007
11:24:03 PM (GMT)
Ok, for all of the guys that are having trouble with their mother-in-law, with it is
too be or if IT already is, Here is some help.
There is only a few things that you can do about a insane mother-in-law to be.
A. Kill her slowly in her sleep...then benifit from being the one to comfort your
B. Enlighten your woman to the fact that her mother is a psyco, if she already is
not. Then make a plan to escape her together
C. Dump the girl because it isn't worth the trouble
If option A. is you choice you have more problems then just an insane mother-in-law.
Sometimes there is a need for this option and i would love to help because I
COMPLETELY UNDERSTAND, but I am not about to go down for aiding a killer.
Option B: This can either be an easy task or an impossible task. Women are seperatly
into two catagories when it comes to their mothers.
1. The ones that love their mothers dearly (aka the impossible task)
2. Those that have loathed their mothers since the time they knew what the word
meant. (the easy task)
In either case; a worthy amount of destruction of character is needed to break down
the ties that bind your woman to her insane mother.
Be Careful! If you take this too far it may back-fire and i belive in the phrase "the
apple doesn't fall far from the tree". If your woman's mother is crazy...she isn't
too far off... GOOD LUCK!
Option C: Guys this to be left to whatever technic you wish to use. Like I said
before though "The Apple Doesn't Fall Far From The Tree".
This is also know as the "Duck from the shoe flying at your head" Warning
Your Wedding Day
No matter if your "Pre-Marrige" Plan worked (unless it was option A.(and in that case
you are crazy anyway)) There is no escaping inviting the Mother-In-Law to your "Big
Day". For every Insane Mother-In-Law, There is an equally insane Wedding Day
Experiance. Here is a Guide to avoid it going too far.
About 6-8 Months before your Big Day, become friends with either a doctor or a
nurse or someone that would come in contact with large amounts of painkillers and
tranculizers DAILY. Make sure that you become such good friends that they would do
anything for you. Save their kids from a fire, or their marrige from divorce. This
will help later on.
Unless your new wife's mother is an absolute nut job, The ceremony will go with
out interuption from her. Your only TRUE Wedding Day problem will be at the reseption
dinner. There will be a few places where this horrible event could occur.
1. Right after you leave with your new wife from the Church to the Reseption Dinner
2. During her toast to the new couple.
3. After she has had just one too many drinks.
IF she is to make a scene after you two have left. There is no controlling what
is to unfold. Your only hope of her not completly ruining the mood of your guests is
to have a wing man. This "Wing-Man" could be your best man, or a sympothetic sibling
or just a guy that likes to feel like a spy.
Do you remember when I said "become friends with either a doctor or a nurse or
someone that would come in contact with large amounts of painkillers and tranqulizers
DAILY"? This is where it comes into play. About a Day before you Wedding, have that
medical friend grab a suringe and something that could either knock out the
Monster-In-Law until you left for your honeymoon or make her look like she had just
one too many drinks that night and is "sleeping".
What you do is slip that suringe full of drugs to your "Wing-Man". Have him hide
it in his tuxedo until it is needed. Pray to god that he doesn't let his kids near
his tuxedo. When your New Mother-In-Law begins to make a scene, have your "wing-man"
swoop through the croud, straigh to the source of your worries and have him just
DESCRETLY inject the "Meds" into you Darling of a mother-in-law and hav her taken to
her car. Guarenteed she'll be out like a light before those two make it out of the
If she is to make her scene during a toast to the new couple, it will most
likely be a boring cry-fest. It will seem more like your own personal roast. "Why did
she marry this shmuck? She could have married that nice doctor Drake Rimore. Isn't
this the guy that put the fork in the toaster and zapped the crap out of himself?"
This is usually a long, boring speech filled with tears and stories about better
men she "Could have had". So why not liven it up a bit. Along with the money you have
been setting aside for the Wedding and your honeymoon and a new home, Set aside a
couple grand to ship off to your mother-in-law's favorite celebraty. Have this person
show up just at the time you here the spoon hitting the champaine glass to signal the
toast. Before she can let out the first tear laiden words she will besileced by the
gasp of complete and utter joy of meeting this person. She will be so over-whelmed by
the chance to talk this poor person's ear off all night she will completely forget
about making you look like a complete fool.
If she has drank too much during the night, there is really nothing you can do.
All you can do is have a friend or family member break out a video camera and pray
she says or does something really stupid and humiliating to herself. This could be
anywhere between slurring her words to be completely inaudible, all the way to
falling over and breaking the table in two.
After marrige? Sorry Dude but all you can really do now is pray that she crocks
sometime soon and that you and your wife get most of the inheritance.