Monday, 5 March 2012
10:07:07 PM (GMT)
I do not want to get up
I do not want to leave my room
My heart is beating so hard it hurts
I'm over thinking
Thinking about things that might not ever happen
there is still possibilities in my mind
I refuse to eat
I keep myself from sleeping
30 minutes of sleep feels like hours
thats to long
I do not want to talk to anyone
yet i do it anyways
I pretend to be the little happy butterfly they see me as
but I'm just a caterpillar
I'm breaking down
i want to cry
I miss the feeling of when i cry
i miss my blood
it was calming
but i cant enjoy that anymore
I cant seem to enjoy things
I cant find enough sympathy for anyone
I feel like I'm becoming a heartless robot
What has happened to me?
where are all my feelings going?
and why were they replaced with sick twisted humor and thoughts that get me looked
I cant act like myself anymore
because i cant exactly remember how i used to be
why cant i feel bad for anyone anymore?
am i becoming selfish?
or are my walls built to high to let these feelings come in again?
i do not like who i am
I cant stand all these horrible imperfections
the ones i keep hidden
the ones no one has seen
the ones my family make me feel worse about
what is happening?
i'm going insane.