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This diary entry is written by KaileyComet. ( View all entries )
Previous entry: Nightmares in category (general)

what's happening?Category: (general)
Monday, 5 March 2012
10:07:07 PM (GMT)
I do not want to get up
I do not want to leave my room
My heart is beating so hard it hurts
I'm over thinking
Thinking about things that might not ever happen
there is still possibilities in my mind
I refuse to eat
I keep myself from sleeping
30 minutes of sleep feels like hours
thats to long
I do not want to talk to anyone
yet i do it anyways
I pretend to be the little happy butterfly they see me as
but I'm just a caterpillar
I'm breaking down
i want to cry
so bad
I miss the feeling of when i cry
i miss my blood
it was calming
but i cant enjoy that anymore
I cant seem to enjoy things
I cant find enough sympathy for anyone
I feel like I'm becoming a heartless robot
What has happened to me?
where are all my feelings going?
and why were they replaced with sick twisted humor and thoughts that get me looked
down upon?
I cant act like myself anymore
because i cant exactly remember how i used to be
why cant i feel bad for anyone anymore?
am i becoming selfish?
or are my walls built to high to let these feelings come in again?
i do not like who i am
I cant stand all these horrible imperfections
the ones i keep hidden
the ones no one has seen
the ones my family make me feel worse about 
what is happening?
i'm going insane.

‹Visably-Vacant› says:   6 March 2012   668598  
Called growing up.  Aren't you 12?
‹Visably-Vacant› says:   6 March 2012   364897  
Sorry.  14.
KaileyComet says:   6 March 2012   559528  
but why cant i feel normal emotions and why do i have sick twisted
humor? .__. 
‹<3OurGODisLOVE!!<3› says:   6 March 2012   351892  
Your lost :/
‹Visably-Vacant› says:   8 March 2012   264460  
No you are not lost.  It is called growing up.  You are growing up. 
It is normal.
‹Visably-Vacant› says:   8 March 2012   176173  
Well, you are lost, but I was trying to say that the growing up part
is difficult to deal with.
the_psalms_of_matt says:   8 March 2012   670030  
bu bu bu...why? :c
KaileyComet says:   15 March 2012   456737  
growing up sucks xD
Ish oki I've gotten better now ^_^ <3 
the_psalms_of_matt says :   18 March 2012   376431  
Good C: <3


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