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This diary entry is written by Kablammo_Dude. ( View all entries )
 
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I am hopelessCategory: (general)
Saturday, 1 October 2011
02:39:18 AM (GMT)
Ahhh, what to do...
I like to keep her shirt close to me.
Well, it's my shirt, but she wore it to sleep a few nights.
It smells like her.
Each day it gets fainter, but I can still pick up the subtle scents of her skin.
It seems like little comfort, but it means the world to me.
I sleep with the little eeyore doll she got me.
I wrap him up in the shirt, tuck him in nicely.
I can't fall asleep until she calls me.
Until I hear her fall asleep on the phone.
Then, after that, I put the phone on speakerphone.
I lay it next to me, where she would go to sleep if she were here.
If I hear even the slightest rustle, noise, anything, I wake up and put the speaker
next to my ear.
I listen intently.
Make sure she is asleep.
Safe.
Unharmed.
Not having a nightmare.
If she goes more than 5 minutes without texting me back, I am all in pieces. 
I pick my phone up, click the button to illuminate it.
Read "no new messages"
Wait for the backlight to turn off.
Then I click it again.
This has literally gone on for hours before.
In fact, I'm doing that right now.
She is probably just watching a movie, or talking to her parents.
She said she was.
But still, I keep picking up my phone, clicking away at the nothing that exists on
the screen.
I know she will call me.
The familiar ringtone will remind me that she is safe.
She is okay.
She is alive.
She will say "heyyyy"
and my mind will finally be at ease.
I am writing this diary so I don't keep checking my phone.
The meds I took are trying to get me to fall asleep, but I will not.
I cannot.
Not until she is asleep.
Soon, I hope.
Very soon.
Now?!?
. . . . . .
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.

nope.
Not yet.
Just a bit longer.
For now, I'll just cuddle up with eeyore, smell her shirt a bit more.
Maybe look around the internet about things that I couldn't honestly care less
about.
Then she will call.
She will.
I know it.
I miss her so much.
I am hopeless.
Hopelessly in love.
Hey, it could be worse, I guess.
I do it because I love her.
I do it because I love her.
I do it because I love her.
She loves me too.
Just a bit longer.
I hope.
I really hope.
Please call soon, firefly.
I don't want to fall asleep.
Not yet.
I can't.
I love you.


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