Tuesday, 21 June 2011
09:56:50 AM (GMT)
I ate a kraken. Oh actually, I murder people for a living. It's a great living, ya
know, I got health benefits, dental plan.. Well, that's my side job, I actually sell
drugs. Uh, I sell drugs, and.. Yeah, I sell drugs, and people buy my drugs. I'm
making a tremendous profit. It's actually.. It's actually not something that I feel
comfortable discussing at this moment, but, if you would like to meet me at the
Walmart across the street after this interview, there's a friend of mine waiting in
the parking lot, yeah the one with pants. Yeah, and the big knife. That's him..
Okay, so, what I'm talking about is, Ellen Degeneres and Katie Perry writing zombie
poetry, and hey, what do you want? Come on, if you want to reason with a fucking
zombie, you don't compliment its appearance, because I mean, hey, it already knows
that its fucking ugly, and yeah.
Ich will dein arsch lecken !!!!!!!!
I'm sicka yo shit, I'm sicka you walking around like all, "Hey, I'm kickin it out my
paper route, gee I hope no one rapes me!!! :D" But, hey. I mean, no. We don't wanna
here it. Cuz guess what? If you had schizophrenia, you'd get ass raped by shit that
don't even exist.
Sometimes people throw emo kids down stairs.
If I was chained to you, I'd kill myself!! :D
I want a gun that shoots razor blades.
Sometimes when I'm on my break and I'm out committing arson, I here voices and so I
go to Hy-Vee and ride my tricycle around in the produce department.
Speaking of skinny jeans, the other day, my friends and I were out walking Missy's
dog, Tank, who is about twelve inches tall and ten thousand leagues wide, and we were
just walking and this red van goes by and this little British kid leans out the
window and screams, "Fuuuuuuuuckin' emos!!!!!!!!" really loud, and it was entirely
too awful to write about in my journal so I'm going to rant about it here now.
Anyways, we all pretty much freaked out at that point, and Kye flipped him off but
the rest of us just kind of fell down and seizured in the street and laughter kind of
consumed us into unconsciousness.
So anyways, for some reason I'm a princess today, which basically means that I'm a
serial killer who kills other serial killers for the cause of my country. And since
it's like 4:38 in the morning right now, I think it's well enough time for me to get
to that store I was thinking of to buy something that was previously sold out like
I hate when people wear headbands.
Hey Wyatt, remember when we had to watch that video in music class in elementary
school with the seals and walruses and the elephant seals and they were making
trumpet sounds and I almost died laughing and I fell out of my chair and laughed
until I melted into a puddle of awesome sauce????????
HEY WORLD, I FUCKING JUST RAPED FUCKING CHRIS DAKOTA, AHHMIGAWD, WHAT NOW.
Hey, let's double bold my text please.
How do you spell 'double'? Doble dubble dounble x2??
But hey hey hey don't stop reading this now, you're almost to part that doesn't make
sense yet anyways some how.
I will now demonstrate my awesome poetry skills.
My bedroom, it smells
My hair room, it smells
And what do you do, when
the sand in your shoes
gets pokemon cards out of your
Fear me, mortal.
I fucking killed Jeffrey Dahmer. UHM YEAH.... PRETTY FUCKING SURE THAT QUALIFIES ME
Hey. Want to hear something racist? No? Well then here's something sexist:
When typing, you know that spell check thing that puts the little squiggly line under
stuff that isn't spelled right?
Okay, well, according to that, 'batman' is a word.
But 'batwoman' isn't, and it marked with a red thing.
Well fuck that shit.
Oh, oh, oh, I see how it is, a woman can't be batman???? WHAT THE FUCK
That is fucking bullshit.
Oh, look at that, even bullshit is a word.
But not Batwoman?
WHAT THE FUCK
Ugh. I'm so pissed, I'm gonna go skin some salamanders while watching YouTube videos.