Saturday, 23 October 2010
09:21:15 PM (GMT)
Once upon a time in nowhere, there was a boy by the name of Jerkoff. Jerkoff was
very popular at school with the ladies. Every Friday night, Jerkoff would take a
group of ladies in his purple limo and club till dawn. Jerkoff had it made in every
way possible. He was rich, handsome, and healthy. However, he had a very small penis.
Microscopic. One day he went atop of Blue Ball hill and made a wish to God. He wished
for a bigger penis. Just then, a thunderstorm rolled in over the hills. The lightning
bolts came close to Jerkoff. Jerkoff tried to run, but he wasn't fast enough. A bolt
came and shocked Jerkoff's penis right off! Jerkoff blacked out from the pain.
The next morning, he woke up in a dumpster. Remembering what had happened the
previous night, he took off his pants. He was a girl! Jerkoff screamed and ran and
ran!!! He ran all the way to somewhere and stopped upon some railroad tracks. He
tripped and fell. He could not get up! A train was comming. Jerkoff made another wish
to god. He wished to be off the tracks. Just then, the oncomming train teleported to
within a few meters of jerkoff, and it ran him over. However, he did not die. He had
magical powers that kept him alive in order to make this story longer. Jerkoff felt
He went back to his school and surprised all of his ladies with the anti-penis dance.
They wernt impressed. They slapped him silly for making fun of their sexual
orientation and went to go make out in a big orgy pile. Jerkoff wanted to die, but he
couldnt because he had magical powers. He went to the emo kids for help. The king emo
kid, Razr, told Jerkoff about a magic tool used to slice ones wrist. Razr said that
the only place to find such a tool was to go on a long and dangerous quest to the
drug store!! Jekroff wasnt up to this alone, so he asked Razr if his minions could
tag along. Razr said no, because they'd be late for a 9 Inch Nails concert. So,
Jerkoff had to find companions. He went to the skater dudes. Scabz, the Skate king
dude, agreed to aid Jerkoff.
So it was settled. Jerkoff and his gang of skateboard-wielding punks set off for the
drug store. They barely made it off campus before they ran into Mr. Tardlard, the
school dean. Mr. Tardlard was your typical asshat who helps run a high school. Short,
stocky, and very unattractive. Luckily, Jerkoff and his crew had a magic flying
carpet woven from potleaves. They flew right over Mr. Tardlard and headed for the
store of drugs.
Along the way on the corner of Anal ave and Phallus st, they encountered a gang of
bong-totting hippies. The hippies saw the magic flying carpet made of potleaves and
demanded they have it. They shot Jerkoff and his gang down somehow. The hippies beat
Jerkoff and his thugs with their bongs, then ran away with the magic carpet.
Disgruntled, Jerkoff and his wankers headed for Wong's drug store. Once there, they
found the magic tool to cut yourself. Jerkoff got some of these tools and attempted
to cut. However, he could not. No, it wasnt because he had magical powers. No, it
wasnt because his gang gave him a lecture on how only goths slice themselves. (which
they did). It was because his balls were too sizes too small!
And so Jerkoff and his skater friends went back to school. The ladies liked Jerkoff
again because his penis grew back, and he joined in on their orgy action. The emo
kids took his magic tool and went to play with it. The skaters hit eachother with
their skateboards, Mr. Tardlard died of AIDS, and the hippies crashed the magic
carpet and blew up in a flaming ball of acid.