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This diary entry is written by ‹<3OurGODisLOVE!!<3›. ( View all entries )
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So i finally figured it out after all this time...Category: (general)
Monday, 27 September 2010
08:54:21 PM (GMT)
So why am i so scared of change? Why am i willing to change who i am but not willing
to change the situation im in? Because im afraid of rejection. Ive been wondering
this for a while and just figured it out the other night. Right now i know what will
happen i know that i will get hurt i know that these bad things will happen i just
cant risk changing and getting a councelor to help or anything cuz im afraid that my
hope will let me down once again. Im afraid that my dad will actually care and treat
me nice and then he will let me down again and that is what would hurt the most.
Feeling my dad finally change and feeling good about it and feeling hope and then
everything being taken away from me again. Atleast now i know that he wont change at
least now i dont have to hope and be let down and that is why i am so afraid of
change. But i dont want to change this i am content with always feeling down because
rejection is my main fear that keep me from doing many things. But oddly im okay with
Last edited: 29 September 2010

‹RainbowBunion› says:   28 September 2010   687085  
I also hate change too, I don't want to change and lose someone and I
dont want certain situations to change incase yes, I get hurt or I
hurt those around me. My hope doesnt stretch very far and my
confidence in others lacks a great deal of strength. To me,
councellors do not help, maybe it's because I wasnt completely honest
to them. But thats the thing, I can't be completely honest do someone
that I don't trust, even though all of their work that they do and
everything I say is confidential (unless it has something to do with
the law). I dont want my dad to stop yelling at me and stop being
drunk because if he does, I will feel free from this evil shell, and
then going from being free, to inevitably being let down again,
is just bullshit. I'd rather stay trapped.
‹<3OurGODisLOVE!!<3› says:   29 September 2010   746079  
Woah, that is the same with me. I dont feel i can tell anyone because
it just doesnt seem to help me yeah it helps to talk about it and let
my feelings out but the feelings are still there and the ppl just dont
know how to help. Which in return is useless for me.   but yeah my
mom says to write a note to my dad telling him how i feel but i dont
think it would matter and all i can hear myself say is i cant im just
to afraid he may change a little bit and i just dont want to have to
deal with trusting him and being constantly scared that he will let me
down again.. Its just to stressful. but then again its stressful when
it doesnt change its like i cant ever be stress free with him around
‹<3OurGODisLOVE!!<3› says:   29 September 2010   411958  
Idk why i waste my time tellin people about my problems when im not
willing to take there advice.
‹RainbowBunion› says:   29 September 2010   766009  
I dont trust people with advice either. And people probably shouldn't
trust me wit mine either, al though so many people come to me asking
for advice (most for relationships) which I find odd. Ad I'm not a
fucking councellor and I feel terrible when things go wrong for them
because of something I've said or told them to do D:
‹<3OurGODisLOVE!!<3› says :   29 September 2010   585294  
I know same here! people always come to me and i tell them what the
best thing i would think to do but then something always goes wrong
and i feel horrible.


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