Tuesday, 2 September 2008
08:10:59 PM (GMT)
(Please note the sarcasm through-out most of this entry! Still, might be helpful in
some ways... can't think of any but yeh... have fun.
1- Smile. Even if it hurts your face. Smile for no reason. Show all your teeth (or if
you don’t have very photogenic teeth perhaps this isn’t such a good idea).
2- Find a potential friend, walk up to them, stick out your hand for a shake and say
in your most cheerful voice, “Hi, my name is [insertnamehere]. Wanna be friends?”
[Optional: Wink. See where it gets you.]
3- If 2 doesn’t work, bribe them with a lollypop.
4- If they refuse it with the classic, “I don’t take candy from strangers.”
Cleverly counter, ”Well, I wouldn’t be a stranger if we were friendlylike.”
5- Wait for the awkward silence to ensue. If they haven’t given you their name
already, get it… even if it’s the last thing you do (because otherwise the next
step won’t make any sense).
6- Find something that relates to their name and either compliment it or strike up a
conversation with it.
Ex1: “Lily, is it? Oh what a lovely name. Like the flower! Oh! I love flowers.
Don’t you? They're delicious.”
Ex2: “Shiithead (Pronounced: 'She-theed'... haha, I know. >_>? Oh. Um... What a
7- If the conversation goes well, congratulations, you may have just made a friend.
If not, you may have to step it up (or give up and find someone else to stalk as the
case may be).Ask about their hobbies, their interests, etc. This will give you
insight into whether they’re worth convincing or not.
8- If they are, acknowledge their interests and give some of your own. (but don‘t
ramble, keep some cards up your sleeve! Also, they may get bored of you. >_> Also,
don‘t lie because while lying is fun and is a frequent social tool, it can get
difficult to keep up with your double life… especially if… well, read the
Ex1: “Cool! I love raving in mosh pits!”…"Awesome, there’s this concert
tomorrow. We should go!”… (the day after the next day, after the hospital visit
“Arrgh!! It hurts when I moooovvveee!”
9- As time progresses and your new friendship blossoms you must maintain it like any
good gardener should (don’t fertilize your friend though. I can think of two
possible meanings for that, both of which the outcomes aren’t good; becoming a
parent and going to jail). Hugging them occasionally will do just fine. Or just
waving from afar if you’re not that close yet.
10- Each new friend is different. This is natural and makes things interesting. Some
may be okay with waving. Some may not mind you sitting on their lap. Some will expect
you to come bounding up behind them and pounce on them at the most inopportune
moments. Some may get tired of looking at you every now and then and tell you to,
’Stop looking at them like that because it’s really creepy.’ Experiment.
11- Use them to meet other friends. Generally people know other people and if
they’re anything like this friend [whom you’ve gotten to step 11 with] you may
like them enough to sit on their lap. Ya never know!
12- Forgot what 12 was. Oh well.
13- Follow these steps to a tee, or add your own twist (someone I know suggested
"Organize an orgy" for 12 [which according to the Webster‘s dictionary is 8 or more
people with their shoes off. It apparently doesn‘t say anything else. Never really
bothered to look. Anyway, it seemed to work… they were really close after that.)
After several attempts you may get lucky and find a willing participant. :D Good