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Diary Entry 20th of Feb : )Category: (general)
Wednesday, 20 February 2008
04:09:00 AM (GMT)
Well Hello.
It is only 11 pm but mother insists I try and get enough sleep so I can go to school
tommorow.
My friends asking the guy she likes out tomorrow and I "have" to be there for her.
PFFT. Seeing as theres NO hot emo guys at my school; wait NO emo guys at me school;
the guy I love is a waxhead, well the guy i lovED.

Yes I know im 13 and I cant be in Love so maybe its just Lust...
And to avoid nasty blog comments thats exactly what I shall call it. Lust.
His a total waxhead and i absolutely hate surfing; i totally suck at it.
His got blonde long hair and looks like some sort of animal.....BUT wait... I dont
know... I just LUST him. Theres something about him.... MEH.

So my popularity status is... I dont know.
Popularity isnt really an issue for me.
I mean I hang out with so many different groups of people i dont really notice where
i am in the popularity chain.
I hang with the deros at the back basketball court;
The random freaks on the feild;
The "bitches" in the quad.
I have TOTALLY lost track of where I 'belong' in the whole 'Clique' thing.

I wouldn't say i'm emo either;
Just depressed.
Yes.. I do cut myself and
Yes.. I am bulimic.
BUT I have reasons for this including the fact my father has Cancer.

Dont take pitty on me and DONT try and chuck a spaz about me cutting myself etc.
I understand that this is stupid and i have alot to live for but OH WELL.
I wont kill myself...
I just like the pain.

My best friend at the moment is...
Welll... I dont really know.
Amy; the girl who acts like a guy. Is depressed and has the convict family. She saved
my life and I saved hers. BUT we do get in a lot of fights. That I try to fix but she
deosnt.
Kirsten; She's popular, she understands me a little bit, she understands my problems
and doesnt judge me; we have never fought but I havent known her for long.
Billie; I moved to a different school that she's moving to next year but she doesnt
talk to me much anymore and I have a feeling shes mad at me for some reason.

Thats about all the people close to being my best friend. I mean besides my brother
LOL.

Well... I have nothing better to do then write this so I will write some random
poetry.

I sit here at the window
Your face lingers in my eyes
As I watch the rain fall
The girl inside me cries.
I hide from the world my sorrow,
The pain I really feel
Hoping if I let it,
That one day it would heal.
I swear to god im sorry,
For the sins that I did commit,
The things that I will do,
But will hate to admit.
I'm sorry to my friends,
That they had to witness my life fall apart,
I'm sorry to my parents,
That I havent played my part.
Im sorry dearest daddy,
I dont talk to you much anymore,
I cant bear to hear you coughing,
To try and understand your words.
I'm sorry you can't eat anymore,
I know how much you loved food.
Please god tell me why you have to do this?
Im sorry daddy,
That we have to be here,
I know that you do hate it,
How you want to move,
I promise we will take you somewhere,
Back to Europe,
The land you love.
Oh god I wish you'd help him,
Help the father I do love.
Why did the doctors have to miss that tiny bit?
And make him go through it all again?
I know I may be smiling,
But I admit its all pretend,
Mother talks me to about it,
How it will be 'ok',
Even if he doesnt make it,
Well Make it through each day.
Oh God Please listen,
Dont Take my dad away.


Anyway, thats me just venting.
I'll Write again soon.

xx
Kat

Comments 
reyka says:   20 February 2008   728677  
There are NO emo guys at your school?
That's just retarded. 
O and nice poem :D
 
xKupidx says:   21 February 2008   851875  
: ) Thanks. And YES It is reatrded GRRR. Stupid ugly preps! > : (.
Loliez : ) 
Opps Those Stupid Ugly Preps are my friends O_o....
Aranee says:   21 February 2008   832885  
Woah... NO EMO GUYS??? 
Oh yeah, there are none in my school unless you count the weird retard

(he is not really retarded but he tries to act smooth and loses it)
Chris. 
He thinks he is emo, not in this lifetime.
I wish I had the courage to cut my wrists or even kill myself.
I wanted to die instead of being sent off to the hospital for Chemo.
I hope it doesn't work so that I don't have another relapse.
People have been nice.
 
Aranee says :   21 February 2008   816777  
ADDS: I understand your father's pain.
 

 
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