Thursday, 31 May 2012
05:38:04 AM (GMT)
There never was a first time, not really.
And I'm starting to think there will never be a last.
One day I was pushing needles under my skin,
the next I was sleeping on a bed of broken glass.
I know my own thoughts, and how the patterns go.
And so I know that these voices really aren't my own.
I know that one day I'll regret ever believing
the crippling fears and everything deceiving
me, but for tonight,
I have to pay a price
just to have some peace,
just to get to sleep,
and I promise tomorrow I'll give you a chance
but right now I'm a slave to circumstance,
and I'm sorry I'm so weak,
I'm sorry I made a promise
we both knew I could never keep.
Now I know you're in the business
of bringing beauty from pain.
And I know I can't do it myself, because after all
there's no beauty in a blood stain.
After all I've learned,
and everything I've seen you do,
I must be the worst of fools
to still not be trusting you.
Please, show me a better way.
I know you are right,
I know there's a fight,
and my heart doesn't need to decay.
I know you're right,
and if you can stand the sight
of what I've become
broken, bleeding and numb,
I'll stay with you for the night.
The truth is
I gave up a long time ago.
But you know what my soul sings,
and you've promised me wings,
and you'll still be here when I'm ready to fly.
For so long I was angry
that you allowed me to cry.
But now I see that nothing but tears
could have washed the ashes from my eyes.
Why should I have to keep bleeding
when you're working so hard to heal me?
Why should I be afraid of succeeding
when you're waiting to show me the real me?
I need no penance,
nothing to pay for what's already mine.
I don't have to serve a sentence
when you've already payed the fine.
I believe your promise, you'll be here when I'm weak
and when I'm under attack.
I trust in You, God, and this time
I'm not looking back.