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This diary entry is written by ‹Ⓐnn4☯L0vΣ☣›. ( View all entries )
 
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Betrayed ~Poem~Category: Poem
Tuesday, 7 February 2012
02:31:07 AM (GMT)
Growing up is hard. 
You have people left and right telling you 
What to do,
Who to trust,
What to say. 
Everyone tried to warn me of the hardships I would face.
But no one prepared me for this. 
Lies.
Deceit.
Betrayal. 
No one ever told me that there would be people out there to destroy you.
Hurt you. 
Maim you. 
I walked through those double doors totally ignorant and oblivious. 
Believing that I could do it. 
Boy was I wrong.

Excitement.
I was filled with it on my first day. 
I looked around at all the new faces surrounding me and also at the old ones. 
I saw all my new teachers and classrooms.
All I saw was excitement, happiness, joy. 
Alas, everything is not what it seems.
I should have looked deeper;
Should have tried to see what was just lurking around the corner. 
Like I said, I was 12 and naive. 
I didn't know any better. 

I went through my share of guys. 
All the bad ones,
Abusive ones, 
Amazing ones, 
Crazy ones.
We all got them. 
Although, on my list was someone I did not expect.
Someone no one thought I had even feelings for. 
He was the heart-throb at the time. 
I fell for the charade. 
I fell hard.

We walked down the halls together for a long time. 
I saw all the jealous looks I had gotten. 
I heard all the things people said about me.
I ignored it. 
I had what I wanted and that's all I cared about. 
Soon, I grew tired of it and shut everyone out. 
Everyone but him. 
Like I said, 
I was 12 and naive.
I didn't know any better.

Looking back I realize my mistake. 
It wasn't the fact that I shut everyone out.
It wasn't the fact that I ignored all the criticism. 
It wasn't even the fact that I liked him.
It was the fact that I let him get in my head.
The fact that I let him control me. 
The fact that I let him tell me what to say,
What to do.
What to wear.
Who to look at.
What to think.
I could have just ignored it all and listened to my own mind.
I didn't though. 
You know why?
It was puppy love and I would have done everything to be wanted. 
I wasn't prepared for what happened next though.

Sometimes all good things must come to an end. 
And that's what happened.
It came to an end.
I tried pretending the whole time didn't even happen.
It was the only way I could cope.
It was the only way to make myself believe I had done the right thing by hurting
someone else.
Inside I felt horrible.
I just wanted it all to stop. 
It did eventually. 
It ended with her. 

Don't get me wrong. 
I love the girl to death.
She is one of my best friends. 
But I would be lying if I said it didn't hurt.
Even though I left.
I would be lying if I said that I wasn't angry. 
In the beginning it was all lies. 
Of course I knew the truth. 
I always know. 
It hurt that i wasn't trusted enough to be told the truth.
I didn't want him back. 
I didn't like him anymore. 
The only thing I wanted was our friendship. 
And the sad thing is:
No matter how hard I try,
I won't get all of it back.


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