Monday, 6 February 2012
09:31:07 PM (GMT)
Growing up is hard.
You have people left and right telling you
What to do,
Who to trust,
What to say.
Everyone tried to warn me of the hardships I would face.
But no one prepared me for this.
No one ever told me that there would be people out there to destroy you.
I walked through those double doors totally ignorant and oblivious.
Believing that I could do it.
Boy was I wrong.
I was filled with it on my first day.
I looked around at all the new faces surrounding me and also at the old ones.
I saw all my new teachers and classrooms.
All I saw was excitement, happiness, joy.
Alas, everything is not what it seems.
I should have looked deeper;
Should have tried to see what was just lurking around the corner.
Like I said, I was 12 and naive.
I didn't know any better.
I went through my share of guys.
All the bad ones,
We all got them.
Although, on my list was someone I did not expect.
Someone no one thought I had even feelings for.
He was the heart-throb at the time.
I fell for the charade.
I fell hard.
We walked down the halls together for a long time.
I saw all the jealous looks I had gotten.
I heard all the things people said about me.
I ignored it.
I had what I wanted and that's all I cared about.
Soon, I grew tired of it and shut everyone out.
Everyone but him.
Like I said,
I was 12 and naive.
I didn't know any better.
Looking back I realize my mistake.
It wasn't the fact that I shut everyone out.
It wasn't the fact that I ignored all the criticism.
It wasn't even the fact that I liked him.
It was the fact that I let him get in my head.
The fact that I let him control me.
The fact that I let him tell me what to say,
What to do.
What to wear.
Who to look at.
What to think.
I could have just ignored it all and listened to my own mind.
I didn't though.
You know why?
It was puppy love and I would have done everything to be wanted.
I wasn't prepared for what happened next though.
Sometimes all good things must come to an end.
And that's what happened.
It came to an end.
I tried pretending the whole time didn't even happen.
It was the only way I could cope.
It was the only way to make myself believe I had done the right thing by hurting
Inside I felt horrible.
I just wanted it all to stop.
It did eventually.
It ended with her.
Don't get me wrong.
I love the girl to death.
She is one of my best friends.
But I would be lying if I said it didn't hurt.
Even though I left.
I would be lying if I said that I wasn't angry.
In the beginning it was all lies.
Of course I knew the truth.
I always know.
It hurt that i wasn't trusted enough to be told the truth.
I didn't want him back.
I didn't like him anymore.
The only thing I wanted was our friendship.
And the sad thing is:
No matter how hard I try,
I won't get all of it back.