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This diary entry is written by Kablammo_Dude. ( View all entries )
 
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In betweenCategory: (general)
Thursday, 13 October 2011
01:44:14 AM (GMT)
Things are perfect.
They really are.
Inside, they aren't.
I don't know why.
It really confuses me.
The jealousy.
It drives me insane.
It is all I think about.
It isn't her fault.
It isn't fair to her.
I can't let it all go.
I have to think about it.
I have to feel angry.
I have to be jealous.
I have to act weird and make her feel uncomfortable around her friends.
She is amazing.
I don't know why she would ever put up with me.
She deserves better, and I don't think I will ever be better.
I worry way too much.
I can't just let her live her life, I have to know everything.
I have to ask if she loves me, even though I know she does.
I have to wonder why me, and not the guys she has been with before.
I have to question whether I deserve her or not.
I think she could do better.
I know she could.
I have to stop this.
Eventually.
I hope I will.
I doubt it.
But I can always hope.
I just hope she is driving safe.
I can't stop thinking about that either.
She loves me.
I love her.
Everything is okay.
On the outside.
On the inside.
I am stuck in between perfection and utter misery.
I just want to be normal again.
Maybe I never was, but I don't remember anymore.
I don't like these thoughts.
I wish they would go away.
So she can love me.
And I won't have to question everything.
I long for that day.
I hope it isn't long.
I love you so much, Jesse.
I just hate that I feel this way.
I know I can be better for you
:/


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