Tuesday, 20 September 2011
12:02:09 AM (GMT)
In December of 2008, I lost one of my best friends.
Several weeks ago, I learned that I had also gained an angel at that same time.
Her name is Brittany Caroline Wade.
In this world, she was short, with blonde hair.
She was funny, outgoing, smart, and a bit wild.
She had no problem speaking her mind, and I usually didn't get along with those type
She was different, you couldn't help but love her.
She may have been very outspoken, but that's what made her unique.
She was a very kind person, and would do anything for her friends.
I didn't know her for a very long time, just a few years, but she was the only girl I
felt close to as a friend.
Her laugh, her smile, her ability to always lighten the mood.
Her random, spontaneous nature was one of her brightest qualities.
Under this smile, behind this beautiful mask was a much darker interior.
She wasn't one to put her problems on others, and she tended to either keep them to
herself or use substances to take them away.
I didn't get to spend much time with her in the time before she passed, and I regret
that every single day.
Maybe things could have been different.
Maybe I could have helped her.
I remember Tyler calling me, asking if I had heard from her, and telling me that
everyone was looking for her.
I feared for the worst, but I never thought anything could happen to one of my
Those kind of thoughts just don't occur much at that age.
I don't know when I found out, but I remember hearing the news that she was dead, and
I was numb.
I went to her visitation, saw her lying their in her casket.
Her mother sitting next to her, absolutely torn up inside and out.
I didn't cry that day.
I was numb.
I didn't feel anything for quite some time.
It wasn't until some time after that I truly cried for her.
About a year or so later, I was drinking at my friend's apartment, and it was time to
(Don't drink and drive, kids)
Something hit me.
I had never visited her grave.
I took the back way home, drove down the old lane towards the cemetery that I had
visited as a child.
I drove aimlessly around the old gravestones, when something caught my eye.
A smooth black stone, in the shape of an upside-down tear, a flame, with the word
WADE on the back.
She had led me there.
I got out of the car, and in my drunken state, I sat in front of her stone, looking
into the eyes of her face that had been etched into it.
She was as beautiful as ever.
I told her everything.
Everything I felt, how we all missed her, I poured my heart out and cried like a
After a while I got up to leave, only to find that I had been locked in.
The gates were shut.
I was locked in the freaking cemetery, drunk as crap.
I was freaking out.
Was I going to have to sleep in my car, with all these dead people!?!
Would I have to ram my car through the damn iron fence?
I drive a Saturn, my bet is on the fence.
Looking back on this now, this is exactly the type of thing that Brittany would find
I could imagine the look on her face as I told her how a drunk me got locked in a
Maybe she had something to do with it...
Anyway, somebody did see me driving around the graveyard after dark and came down to
let me out.
The ride home was different.
I think it was one of the first times I drove drunk (and few, I don't approve of
I didn't notice it much at the time, or think much of it, but I know she was with
She followed me all the way home, made sure I was safe, then she helped me move on
and get some sleep that night.
From then on, I started to think about it more.
I would send messages to her myspace, begging her to message me back.
I would spend hours looking through her statuses, pictures, and other things.
I would post things on her memory page on Facebook.
I would look through my old yearbooks for any lost pictures I may have looked over.
This started to slow down a bit.
Until I met Jesse.
In a way, I think Brit may have had a lot to do with me meeting her.
Jesse is different.
And Brit helped prove that to me.
I asked Jesse to try something.
I told her that I was thinking about a friend of mine.
A close friend that I had lost.
I repeated the name Brittany over and over and over in my head.
I thought about her the entire time.
I was beginning to question whether or not it would even work at all.
When Jesse said the name "Brittany", I got chills over my entire body and there was
no doubt that she was with both of us.
If this wasn't enough, she went on to describe exactly what happened to her that
She described her car, that she was sitting in the passenger seat.
That it was cold outside.
That she was in an empty parking lot.
She even told me about the drug dealer that met her there that night.
The needle she used to end it all.
Everything was completely correct, down to the last detail.
Jesse had never even heard of her, let alone known her or what happened to her.
This night changed my life forever.
It helped Jesse realize how in tune she is with those who have moved on, those who
are lost in between this world and the next.
It made me realize that I have never been alone since that night in December 2008.
Each time I have been sad, happy, angry, anything, she was there.
The cold chills I got during the important moments of my life.
It was her.
The reason my life has taken such a bizarre path, only to find perfection in a
It all makes sense now.
I have learned to accept when she is near.
The tingling sensation on my hand or in my hair, is her when she comes to visit.
She helps me fall asleep.
She helps me relax when my problems seem too big.
She reminds me that everything is okay.
She not only does this for me, she does it for Jesse as well.
She is my eyes when I am not around, she watches and protects my true love, and I am
I used to wonder why she left, what happened, and if she was sad or lost.
I now know that she is happy, that she watches and protects everyone that loved her.
The beautiful little girl that she left behind.
Haley looks so much like her, it is mind blowing.
She will grow up to be just like her mom.
I hope to visit her someday.
I even contacted Brit's mom, her Godmother and another friend of hers, and helped
them find the relief they had been looking for, with the help of Jesse.
We hope to help more people, in time.
If Jesse and I have a little girl, her name is going to be Brittany Lynn.
It's the least we can do for someone that has and always will be such a huge part of
She not only protects us, she acts a spirit guide for Jesse.
She can protect Jesse from the bad ones, and lead the good ones to her, helping her
understand her gift.
I never imagined I would grow closer to someone after they had died, but it has
I hope one day I can see her again, in a better place.
I know that Brit has yet to move on, that she is lingering here to help us and to
For now that is okay.
She is exactly where she wants to be.
One day she will move on, and truly have peace beyond this world.
I am sure of that.
I just want her to realize how much she has changed my life.
I hope our little girl can be half the woman she was.
In December of 2008, I thought I lost one of my best friends.
It turned out, I just gained an angel.
I will never again be alone, and that is a very comforting feeling.
I love you Brittany.
We all do.
I can't wait to see you again.
My guardian angel.