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This diary entry is written by Kablammo_Dude. ( View all entries )
Previous entry: Dear Firefly in category (general)

Just a burdenCategory: (general)
Wednesday, 7 September 2011
09:20:42 PM (GMT)
Somewhere along the way, my status in the family changed from "son" to "the guy that
lives here and doesn't have a job".
I live in the little cell that is my room and only come out for food or water.
The only conversations my family has with me starts with "Did you go apply?" or "Had
any luck finding a job?"
What happened to Michael?
What happened to the smart son that used to make them proud?
Apparently he is dead and gone.
It's not like I don't want to work, I do, I just can't see myself working some
pointless nine to five bullshit, taking orders from someone with less schooling than
me, just to make a few bucks.
I don't need money, it doesn't make me happy. 
I don't ask my family for money.
I'll be damned if I drive myself insane doing something I hate, just to satisfy my
family's desires.
I would rather be broke and stay in my room than compromise my sanity.
I will keep looking, at my own pace, at places that I could honestly see myself
maintaining a reasonable level of happiness.
Somewhere like a music store, or a library, or gamestop. Ok, now I'm just dreaming..
I refuse to deal with arrogant assholes, working my ass off to make 7.25 an hour
while some CEO sits at his desk all day drinking coffee and raking in half a million
a year.
I know we all have to do things we don't want to do, but honestly I don't have to.
I am going to school in January, to be a teacher. 
A job I will actually love, something that will actually make a difference in
people's lives.
Not a job that is thrown aside to every teenager that wants money to go the mall.
Maybe I am wrong on this, but I don't care.
If I find something, then fine.
If I don't, then fine.
I don't have a problem being broke, I don't go anywhere anyway.
I will just keep my mouth shut, bide my time until I return to college. 
Then work at the ren fair during the summer, something I actually love doing.
I will get out of here, and have a steady career, then who will have the last laugh?
And you better believe I won't be thanking the people that tried to push me to lower
my standards for myself.
Honestly, my talents could be used elsewhere.
I could write stories, write music, help people.
I can give music lessons, help students with their homework, be a mentor to an
underprivileged child.
I could help out wherever I am needed, and be perfectly content with my life.
I will still go out and try, just to please the lords of the household, but I'll be
damned if I take advice from a loser without a degree, a record full of DUI's and who
never held a job making more than 12 dollars an hour at a factory.
I will do something that actually makes a difference, not become a slave to someone
who sees me as an expendable asset and not a person.
If I had somewhere to go, I would.
I almost beat the shit out of my stepdad today, and I am only a couple more smartass
remarks away from caving his head in.
Mom is the only reason I haven't done it yet.
She should have married someone else, someone that isn't an arrogant piece of shit. 
But I can't control her life, and I will get out of here and make something of
and I will make her proud.
He won't hear so much as a fucking word from me until I leave in January.
One day I will feel like a person again.
Like a son.
and not just a burden.
Last edited: 7 September 2011

‹~(Shaywee)~› says:   8 September 2011   284241  
I love you. This is wonderful.
Kablammo_Dude says:   8 September 2011   120307  
 Thank you, I felt the need to vent so I didn't do anything
‹~(Shaywee)~› says:   9 September 2011   646405  
You're welcome. And it's funny, I'm just like you. 
Kablammo_Dude says:   9 September 2011   897849  
We do seem to have a lot in common :D 
‹~(Shaywee)~› says :   10 September 2011   377927  
Freaky stuff, right? 

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