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This diary entry is written by restless. ( View all entries )
 
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17♦Category: (general)
Monday, 24 January 2011
01:19:37 AM (GMT)
I blame you for 75% of my current heartbreak. Is that fair? I don't even care anymore. I do care. I can't stop caring. My heart won't let me. You left me, like I always suspected you would. As soon as I began to believe in us, you left. I tried so hard not to let it hurt me. I tried so hard. It broke my heart every day to know that you had gone away. I fell in love, without even noticing. I fell in love, and it wasn't with you. You hated it, just like I hate him. I was always the jealous one, was it you at that time? I let the love go free, so you and I, we could be. I'm only pretty sure that I can't take anymore. I love you. No, I'm in love with you. It doesn't feel like you care anymore. At all. I'm terrified of losing you, I'm beginning to think it's the only way to end the pain. You want him, I can't wait for you forever. I've waited years, and I don't know if I can keep going. I can't even talk to you when something is bothering me. You think I'm a liar. You do, and I can see it in every word you say. I hate him, with more than my entire heart. The heart that was once completely dedicated to your own personal happiness. I've changed. I'm not the terrified, weak, naive little person that you once knew. I am strong. Am I? I am alive. Am I? I can live without you, can I? but without you, I'll be miserable at best. I need you, why can't you need me too?
--------- It was amee. I did love her, but I couldn't tell you. I just couldn't. I'd been waiting to be with you for years, and I refused to give that up for someone who probably didn't even care about me. I left her, without a second thought, and then I had to keep hiding my addictions, my pain. I barely talked to you while we were together because I couldn't stop thinking about/wondering if you were okay, or if you still cared. I hated that I couldn't take away your pain, or at least help you with it anymore. So, I ran to them, I ran to my addictions to make up for what I used to have with you. Of course it didn't work, it was never the same, but I was too stoned, drunk, or busy cutting to continue thinking about it. Those things became my release, and I couldn't bring myself to tell you. I'm sorry, I can't express that enough.
Last edited: 28 January 2011

Comments 
goodmorning says :   4 February 2011   816283  
I still love you.
 

 
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