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This diary entry is written by underpressure. ( View all entries )
 
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i really fucked up this time; didn't i my dear?Category: (general)
Friday, 2 July 2010
01:54:47 AM (GMT)
okay, okay, okay, okay; i'm really sorry. like, really. "but it was not your fault but mine, and it was your heart on the line, i really fucked it up this time; didn't i my dear?" i somehow feel like something went wrong. and i'm confused, and upset, and i feel extra lame right now. like, beyond belief. and i think i'm saying the word "like" alot. i dont' know what to do. it scares me. 'cause usually i'm all like, "oh shit happens, go with the flow" but this time it's different. it's got me stuck and i don't know what's going to happen. like i feel like a i do, but no one does. it's not fair. but life's not fair? that's ridiculous. it just is. idfc annnnnd what do you know; I LIED! because i do care. waaay more than i fucking should, actually. so does that make me stupid? i don't even know. and i know i sound horribly ridiculous, and i'm not looking for attention, i'm just ranting. it's lame, yes, but whatever. i'm turning 15 in 9 days. that's weird. i feel like i'm fucking seven. i'm leaving for my birthday vacation in five days; and i feel like i have some things to do before i leave. but i don't know what they are. and if you're still reading this, thanks, i don't know if it shows you care, but i love you anyway. and i mean it, i don't just throw that phrase out there like it's fucking nothing. now that's stupid. and wrong. i'm tired. i went to bed at 5:30 this morning and got up at 9:45 this morning. can't sleeeeep, man. like, fo'real. raaaawr; wow. i can't wait to like, grow up. well not grow up, 'cause i won't. like never, ever, ever, everrrr. but i want to travel. leave this small damn town so fucking bad. it's horrid. not in my town, but just how bad i want to leave. i actually like where i live. one square mile of family friendly people except for the old man on the corner of my street ;-; he's a haaaterrrrr. anywhooo, when i leave, and of course it might not be right when i hit eighteen years of age of course, 'cause i'll probably stick around and go to college, which sounds good. but where should i go first? and when i say leave, i mean like, out of America, dude. miles and miles away. i'm out. lkajsdflkasdflasdf. i don't even get the point of this, like i went into this whole diary thing like "oh shiaaat i'm gonna rant, and just let it out" but now it seems wrong, and stupid, and it's like i'm being an attention whore, but i'm not. and i so fucked up. with everything. no, i'm not going to wanna kill myself after this, i think that's stupid, because it's a chapter in my motherfuckin' life. and i mean, i'm chill, like not right now, but i usually am, right? sure, i have flaws, and- actualllly wait, i'm going to list my flaws, i'm sure most of who's reading this will agree? anyway, here it goes: -i get attached way too easily. -i bite my lip when i'm nervous -i giggle way too much. -i'm selfish at times. -i hold grudges that should have been dropped long ago. -i'm not perfect, and i'll never be -i talk alot when i get nervous. -i tap my feet on the ground during tests, which annoy my teachers, i'm sorry, not;fuckoff -i try to make sure everyone else is happy, even if i'm not, and sometimes that shit just doesn't work out. -i jump to conclusions waaaay too quickly. -i judge, even if i don't notice myself doing so. -i fought with people just because of what they say, even when i tell others not to care what people think and to ignore it. -i lie. -sometimes, depending with who, i can lie so easily and quickly that i don't even notice it. -when i try to lie to someone i can't, i cover my mouth with my left hand and giggle, i look majorly retarded. -my pupils are weird and make me look like i'm constantly high. which i'm not. -i'm way too shy sometimes. -in real life, i'm a naturally awkward person, really. -i can't sing, and even when i try, i sound like a dying animal; baby i'm tone deaf, i swear. -i'm stupid. in many ways. -i'm so lame, i don't even know how to ride a bike. saaaaaaad. ;-; -i'm bow-legged and have chicken legs. -i'm a harry potter freak. lmfao. -i love alot of people. but all in different ways. -i can't remember dates for my life. i forgot my own fucking birthday last year. -BTW, if you comment this for any reason, put your birthday in the comment, i'm going to remember it, i swear. -i stutter when i'm nervous. -i get nervous easily sometimes. -i wear my beanie all the fucking time. -i still love pinky promises and treat them like their the world, it annoys some people. -i'm annoying. -i think i like this site a bit tooo much. -i can complain alot. -i glare at people i don't like without even noticing. -i can go on and on, but i won't bore you. and if you're still reading. wow. thanks. and as i'm writing this, i keep saying i'm done. i'mdonei'mdonei'mdone. but i'm not. and i'm lieing, like alot. to myself, not to any of you. i'll never be done. some of you may be done with me on here, but that's fine. it's chill. you can drop me like it's alll way too damn hot. if you hate me, tell me. if you love me, tell me. if you have a problem with me, let's work it out? if you don't care about me, then tell me and please walk out of my life. it'd be better for the both of us, trust me. if you have something to tell me or something that you want to share with me; no matter what the fuck that shit may happen to be, please, please, please tell me. (: OKAY so as of right now. i'm goin' with lifes' flow. i'm gonna wake up with a fucking smile on my face everyday. i'm going to laugh at silly things, and just let shit happen, because like i always say; "shit happens, man" i should seriously start living by my own words. ferrrsurrrr. and for everyone who is still my friend, and is still with me as of right now. thank you. a hella lot. i love you. ew, this was like a mother fuckin' intervention of my own. ohfuckisuck.LUL. guess what motherfucker? i'm walkin' on fuckin' sunshine♥
Last edited: 2 July 2010

Comments 
HOLYFUCKING says:   2 July 2010   620055  
honey relax.
everything's okay.
i don't know what you're so worked up about.
i'm worried about you.
and fuck, you're coming to canada.
no, scratch that, i won't be here any longer.
but don't worry. it's fine! i'll help you through it.
ily.
 
underpressure says:   2 July 2010   374726  
@HOLYFUCKING 
♥ thankyouthankyouthankyouVanessa.
i'm just being lame, i guess, yeah?
woaaah there, you're coming to America, remember?
we're havin' a car wash and all, then the mily cyrus concert,
because we can't be tamed. 
don't worry about me! 
 
‹lynniesunshine› says:   2 July 2010   111055  
Iloveyouashley.
And don't forget it,ever. ♥
When's YOUR birthday,dollface?
 
underpressure says:   2 July 2010   579309  
@samswirl 
awh thaaanks.
it's july tenth!
when's yourssss? 
 
‹lynniesunshine› says:   2 July 2010   671872  
@underpressure 
August 30. I shall be fourteen<3 
 
underpressure says:   2 July 2010   192499  
@samswirl 
awesomee. i'll be fifteen this year. 
 
‹lynniesunshine› says:   2 July 2010   278877  
 
underpressure says:   2 July 2010   542243  
@samswirl 
hahaha i guess.
my mom already got my drivers manual book,
i'm scared haha(x 
 
‹lynniesunshine› says:   2 July 2010   228286  
@underpressure 
Ohdear. 
 
underpressure says:   2 July 2010   860793  
@samswirl 
exactly. 
 
‹lynniesunshine› says:   2 July 2010   993445  
@underpressure 
Well,i can't start driving till I'm fourteen & 8 months;; 
 
SnakebiteHEARTwithaBUBBLEGUMsmile says:   3 July 2010   101958  
<3 Ashley, I love you hun. This entry made me almost cry. 
My birthday is March 8, and I shall be 16
I love you hun, your a sister to me 
 
underpressure says:   3 July 2010   770370  
@SnakebiteHEARTwithaBUBBLEGUMsmile 
i really didn't want to make anyone cry, lmfao, i'm sorry, dear!
(x
i love youuu tooo, and i'll be sure to mark it C: ♥ 
 
SnakebiteHEARTwithaBUBBLEGUMsmile says :   3 July 2010   451574  
@underpressure 
C: it sokay hun <3 
 
 
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