Friday, 2 July 2010
01:54:47 AM (GMT)
okay, okay, okay, okay;
i'm really sorry. like, really.
"but it was not your fault but mine,
and it was your heart on the line,
i really fucked it up this time;
didn't i my dear?"
i somehow feel like something went wrong.
and i'm confused, and upset, and i feel extra lame right now.
like, beyond belief. and i think i'm saying the word "like" alot.
i dont' know what to do. it scares me. 'cause usually i'm all like,
"oh shit happens, go with the flow" but this time it's different. it's got me
stuck and i don't know what's going to happen. like i feel like a i do, but no one
it's not fair. but life's not fair? that's ridiculous. it just is. idfc
annnnnd what do you know;
I LIED! because i do care. waaay more than i fucking should, actually.
so does that make me stupid?
i don't even know. and i know i sound horribly ridiculous, and i'm not looking for
attention, i'm just ranting. it's lame, yes,
but whatever. i'm turning 15 in 9 days. that's weird. i feel like i'm fucking seven.
i'm leaving for my birthday vacation in five days;
and i feel like i have some things to do before i leave. but i don't know what they
are. and if you're still reading this, thanks, i don't know
if it shows you care, but i love you anyway. and i mean it, i don't just throw that
phrase out there like it's fucking nothing. now that's stupid.
and wrong. i'm tired. i went to bed at 5:30 this morning and got up at 9:45 this
morning. can't sleeeeep, man. like, fo'real.
raaaawr; wow. i can't wait to like, grow up. well not grow up, 'cause i won't. like
never, ever, ever, everrrr. but i want to travel.
leave this small damn town so fucking bad. it's horrid. not in my town, but just how
bad i want to leave. i actually like where i live. one square mile of family
except for the old man on the corner of my street ;-; he's a
haaaterrrrr. anywhooo, when i leave, and of course it might not be right when i
eighteen years of age of course, 'cause i'll probably stick around and go to college,
which sounds good. but where should i go first? and when i say leave, i mean like,
out of America, dude. miles and miles away. i'm out. lkajsdflkasdflasdf. i don't even
get the point of this, like i went into this whole diary thing like
"oh shiaaat i'm gonna rant, and just let it out" but now it seems wrong, and stupid,
and it's like i'm being an attention whore, but i'm not. and i so fucked up.
with everything. no, i'm not going to wanna kill myself after this, i think that's
stupid, because it's a chapter in my motherfuckin' life. and i mean, i'm chill, like
now, but i usually am, right? sure, i have flaws, and- actualllly wait, i'm going to
list my flaws, i'm sure most of who's reading this will agree? anyway, here it goes:
-i get attached way too easily.
-i bite my lip when i'm nervous
-i giggle way too much.
-i'm selfish at times.
-i hold grudges that should have been dropped long ago.
-i'm not perfect, and i'll never be
-i talk alot when i get nervous.
-i tap my feet on the ground during tests, which annoy my teachers, i'm sorry,
-i try to make sure everyone else is happy, even if i'm not, and sometimes that shit
just doesn't work out.
-i jump to conclusions waaaay too quickly.
-i judge, even if i don't notice myself doing so.
-i fought with people just because of what they say, even when i tell others not to
care what people think and to ignore it.
-sometimes, depending with who, i can lie so easily and quickly that i don't even
-when i try to lie to someone i can't, i cover my mouth with my left hand and giggle,
i look majorly retarded.
-my pupils are weird and make me look like i'm constantly high. which i'm
-i'm way too shy sometimes.
-in real life, i'm a naturally awkward person, really.
-i can't sing, and even when i try, i sound like a dying animal; baby i'm tone deaf,
-i'm stupid. in many ways.
-i'm so lame, i don't even know how to ride a bike. saaaaaaad. ;-;
-i'm bow-legged and have chicken legs.
-i'm a harry potter freak. lmfao.
-i love alot of people. but all in different ways.
-i can't remember dates for my life. i forgot my own fucking birthday
-BTW, if you comment this for any reason, put your birthday in the comment, i'm going
to remember it, i swear.
-i stutter when i'm nervous.
-i get nervous easily sometimes.
-i wear my beanie all the fucking time.
-i still love pinky promises and treat them like their the world, it annoys some
-i think i like this site a bit tooo much.
-i can complain alot.
-i glare at people i don't like without even noticing.
-i can go on and on, but i won't bore you. and if you're still reading. wow. thanks.
and as i'm writing this, i keep saying i'm done. i'mdonei'mdonei'mdone. but i'm not.
and i'm lieing, like alot.
to myself, not to any of you. i'll never be done. some of you may be done with me on
here, but that's fine. it's chill.
you can drop me like it's alll way too damn hot.
if you hate me, tell me.
if you love me, tell me.
if you have a problem with me, let's work it out?
if you don't care about me, then tell me and please walk out of my life.
it'd be better for the both of us, trust me.
if you have something to tell me or something that you want to share with me;
no matter what the fuck that shit may happen to be, please, please, please
OKAY so as of right now. i'm goin' with lifes' flow. i'm gonna wake up with a
on my face everyday. i'm going to laugh at silly things, and just let shit happen,
because like i always say;
"shit happens, man"
i should seriously start living by my own words. ferrrsurrrr.
and for everyone who is still my friend, and is still with me as of right now. thank
you. a hella lot.
i love you.
ew, this was like a mother fuckin' intervention of my own. ohfuckisuck.LUL.
guess what motherfucker? i'm walkin' on fuckin' sunshine♥
Last edited: 2 July 2010