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This diary entry is written by ‹medusaaaa🍪›. ( View all entries )
 
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Poem...Category: Poemss.
Wednesday, 11 March 2009
01:47:32 AM (GMT)
Blehhh. Crappy poem I wrote yesterday and first 3 hours of today. ------------------ I can't believe this distance it's tearing us apart everyday that passes, it's ripping up my heart. I want you here so badly words can't even explain this aching in my heart the never ending pain. the cuts that lie on your arms are fresh and newly done. neither of us wanted this you're not the only one. I know we can get through this it's the only way I need you right here next to me I need you now-today. Our parents hate that we're this, and have this strange small fear that we'll never break up, ever but grow closer year by year. I hate to say this bluntly but I see no other way I love you Zach, I promise. But I need you here today. ---------------- Ickyy.
Last edited: 12 March 2009

Comments 
ElectrikInsanity says:   11 March 2009   643152  
D:
SO HERES THE FUCKING PLAN HOE
xD
WE'RE GONNA TIE UP YOU TWO'S 
PARENTS AND THROW THEM IN
A HOBO SHOP AND WATCH THEM
BE RIPPED APART FOR TRYING TO
SCREW YOU OVER.
kthx(:
 
‹medusaaaa🍪› says:   11 March 2009   391544  
Alright. x]
 
‹JacobJigglypuff› says:   11 March 2009   448867  
amazing
 
‹medusaaaa🍪› says:   11 March 2009   626959  
:]
thanks jacob.
 
‹JacobJigglypuff› says:   11 March 2009   287334  
your welcome
 
Oroborus21 says:   11 March 2009   154525  
why are you apart? i thought it was cause he lives in another town is
all. so what do your folks have to do with it? 

hmm k fix this misspelling: your not the only one  should be you're

......

as for the poem i respect that you used rhyme, i always appreciate
anyone who rhymes their poetry because its not easy to do and to me
its more classical than totally unrhymed freeverse even if there is no
metre to it...

i think overall its a nice poem, that is something a young person
would write. I have a ton of poems like it that i wrote when i was in
junior high/high school.

i think though in this instance the rhyming and cadence of the poem
works opposite to the emotional gravity that you are feeling and the
result is a lighter almost humorous tone which undermines the pain and
longing and missing that you feel.  I would like to see you channel
those feelings into words and verse without forcing a rhyme scheme or
any structure at all and see what the result may be. I think you would
produce a heavier poem that is more fitting to the situation.
 
CrumpetChan says:   13 March 2009   811939  
Oh i love this.
 
‹medusaaaa🍪› says:   14 March 2009   755217  
Thanks <3 [:
 
youalwaysmakemesmile says :   15 September 2009   511786  
your an amazinggg writer!(:
 

 
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