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This diary entry is written by k_blackrose_78756. ( View all entries )
 
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it was meant as one whole poem...but it sounds better picked apart....Category: (general)
Friday, 20 February 2009
02:13:59 AM (GMT)
I hope you care as much as you say you do…
It’s been another long day.
Wanting nothing more to sleep 
(and something real to do)
Not have to face a day without someone here,
With me.
Sick of hating torture.
Loathing my rejected attachment to you,
And my detachment from the world,
Myself.

So I promised I wouldn’t.
But who was there to stop me,
To stop and watch me bleed?
Surely not myself.
No self respect, control…
I’ll scream again.
And argue on who will win this war.
I needed you.
To bad you couldn’t tell.

I know it’s faded.
I can tell by the way you’re not there.
How is it that I can stay on the phone with mike, 
(who I see everyday),
And not say one word?
Yet you push me away in my time of need.
Push me off on him?
When I crave you.

If only you knew,
The pain I put myself through,
Trying to stay with you.
How is it that five months,
Helped me overcome?
But I’m dragging low,
Fearing this is almost done.
You know I push away…
Detach, and never look away

Please don’t drop me like a habit.
Please don’t promise me forever,
‘cause I know I’d be your mistake.
Please don’t try to love this hatred,
This unreal nothingness girl.
Don’t kid your sad self one bit.
I can see you drifting away.
I’d rather cut the ties quickly,
Than live another lie.
You know I always had no control…
And I’m sorry on addiction to you I abide.

Comments 
‹Madd Dog› says:   20 February 2009   217679  
it sounds more like a song!

u should sing it, or give it to some1 to sing!!!

i think it would be an awesome song for someday listen to it on the
radio!!

~Love,
Madison~
 
k_blackrose_78756 says:   20 February 2009   749599  
thanks ^^ i dont really like to sing...but i could find someone i
guess
 
Oroborus21 says:   20 February 2009   959985  
it was pretty well written.
i dont like the line: "please dont drop me like a habit"

i dont think it makes sense, as habits are something typically hard to
change and the rest of the poem indicates that he left you rather
easily or is trying to

and the last line...isnt strong enough and doesnt conclude the poem
very welland to make it worse, it doesnt seem to make sense...
the poem is a lot stronger if you leave off this lien and end it with
the line just before it....

what happened to Mike? he seems like a nice guy that likes you but
doesnt have a chance...poor mike.
 
k_blackrose_78756 says :   20 February 2009   154495  
thanks, thats really good feedback. and mike is my best-guy-friend.
and this poem is mainly about how my BF had just worked on his
skateboard for like 2 hours and was dyin to go try it out...but i
caught him(called) on his way out the door and i was upset and he
hates to hear me upset cuz it hurts him. so i was beggin him to stay
on the phone and he knows tht mike is good with problems, so he said
to call mike...and i got mad...cuz i needed him to  just be there.
just then mike calls on the house phone...so i told my BF tht he won
id talk to mike if he wanted to leave me. and THEN he decides to stay
on the phone with me, so i was like "no, go fucking have fun with ur
skateboard. i'll go talk to mike JUST LIKE YOU WANTED." and thts the
ONLY time i have ever been angry toward my BF (keven) cuz i love him
to death. and i know he loves me back...so all and all i talked to
mike and wrote the poem and mike was upset over something too so we
just stayed on the phone while we both wrote. But karma came back
around and got keven, lol. tht night he IMs me sayin he's goin to the
ER cuz he fell off his skateboard...come to find out he broke his
elbow **ouch**
 

 
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