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This diary entry is written by ‹→MemoriesOfAHeartBreak→MilesAway←›. ( View all entries )
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Trust IssuesCategory: (general)
Wednesday, 4 June 2014
02:11:24 AM (GMT)
When I was 13 I was 3 differesbecause a Dr. Sent me to a physcoloigest and told me I
had depression, rage, and insomnia.  He wanted to speak with me once a week for a
while and we couldn't afford it. 

I dunno if anyone reads these but I'd really likre to just get some of this off my

I was on tge pills for a few months then one day I just stopped taking them. 
My mom was worries bout me. I had sunk back into my room. Never smiling or talking. 
I had started cutting. I felt like my life was pointless and I still do. I'm

From the time of 13 up, I've done drugs, popped pills in a bad way, been an alcoholic
and selfed harmed many times. 
I tried finding ways out. Out odf what?  Life...My mind. I dunno just out. 

For as long as I can remember people have hurt me, missued me, beat me and so on. 
I've trusted and let people in. Everytime I did they'd use it against it more break
my trust or just something. 

I personally think I'm doing something wrong. 

When I was 7 my mom got with a man i had come to know and trust for 13 years. 
They got split and I lived with him. He moved away from my home, conviced me my mom
was wrong nad
That she was bad. Then one day he stopped caring. He doesn't care anymoer. I wonder
if ge ever did. He lied to me. 
Got to oretty much tell my mom to fuck off but when he kicked me to the curb for his
girlfriend my mom droce 6 hours on her off day to come get me and drive back. 

Since I was 17 ive made nothing but mistakes. My life is complete shit and I
understand there is someone who has it worsr but righrt now my life horribhorrible
and I have to let it out. 

I've bottled everything up. Pain, anger, hurt...Everything. 
I've been strong for everyone. Been there when they needed me, never asking for
anything I'm return. Never breaking down.  
Standing tall.  Taking on everyones problems and baring their burdens for them.  
At this point I just can't anymore.  

Every morning I wake up and paint on a smile so every one thinks I'm okay and that
I'm fine but in the inside I'm drOwning in my self and I just can't hold it together
anymore but I can't let my self fall a part because I don't wanna be weak.  

I wanna let some one in. I wanna trust. I wanna be okay but I just can't be.  

Any ways I guess that's all.  
Maybe I'll just kill myself because it's not like anyone woukd care or miss me.

Phantom says:   4 June 2014   316103  
this was very sad to read. i think that a lot of people on here have
faced at least some of what you have in their own lives.

that you have posted this shows that you are aware of how your past
experience has afffected you and believe me thats a key part of taking
that experience and using it to shape your own future.

what you must realize is that much that has occurred to this point iin
your life werent things within your control or your own choices. true
thiings like drinking and drug use were but the causative factors for
why you sought escape in those things were not your own making.

this isnt the case now. now is the time when u must realize that you
will soon have both the responsibility and the freedom to make choices
for yourself. what u should find empowering is that you CAN choose to
make good choices and to turn your life around. 

life may have pushed you down but only you can choose to lay there
blaming the shitty past you were mostly handed or to "get up" and set
some goals for yourself in life that will help you obtain some
happiness that you may never have had and that you do desrerve to
have. believe that.

good luck. and if u find a few friends along the way that can help you
thats to the good. i dont know you but i believe you can do it.
‹→MemoriesOfAHeartBreak→MilesAway←› says :   6 June 2014   155792  
TPhantom...You are correct in more ways than one. These are not my
only issues. 
I just figured this is the perfect way to let it out. To break down
and rebuild myself.
But even then I can't let myself break.

Next entry: Trust Issues 2 in category (general)
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