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This diary entry is written by warofmylife. ( View all entries )
Previous entry: i miss you in category (general)

neededCategory: (general)
Thursday, 30 August 2012
09:49:39 PM (GMT)
im leaving my about me how it is, just because it holds a lot of memories, but im
gonna write a new one here. even though i doubt anyone will read it, and even though
ill most likely not get back on here for a long time after this(if i ever get on
after this)
so, im kristina. people call me kris, tina, or kristanka.
im totally into cosmetology. im actually going to Paul Mitchell this time next year.

im very friendly. not shy at all. i used to be shy, but not anymore. i currently
don't do drugs, although im kind of a recovering addict. i smoke cigarettes. barely
oh yeah luc, you told me to tell you when i lost my virginity, so i lost it at 16 to
an asshole who got me drunk. but its no big deal. then i met this guy who reminded me
of you. i fell in love with him. i dont really know how to begin to explain how he
is. hes so weird and unique. just like you. hes tall, like a light brown hair
color(looks somewhat blonde in the light), hes got brown eyes. the stupidest laugh,
the worst attitude, hes the most sarcastic person ever, he can make you laugh at any
given moment, and hes just annoying, but hes perfect. he reminds me of you. exactly
you. hes the biggest asshole to some people, but i was a lucky one. i got into his
heart. hes the one that let me let go of you. when we did still talk, i told you
about him. i literally remember writing it out. i actually think i have the message
saved in my notes on my ipod, but i said "i just got back from the park. i met this
guy. his name is nick. hes fucking awesome. hes hilarious. i dont even know him, but
im telling you, i fucking love him. theres something about him. hes got this charm".
i said that. its crazy. i said that on the very first day i met him. later on i spent
the night at drews and nick and i started liking each other. i can honestly say that
i fell in love with him. he made me feel happy, just like you did. you know, he loved
me too. i mean, i messed it all up, but god if you couldve seen the way he looked
into my eyes. you could see him smiling with his eyes. he just had joy in his face.
you could tell he was so happy that i was in front of him. it made me feel amazing.
ive never felt that before. its great when someone gives you that look. i dont know
if ill ever get it back anymore, even if its from another person, but i hope i do.
over time i changed my mind about everything. i dont want kids, ever. i dont want to
get married, ever. i told you i wanted to marry you and have your babies, but now i
dont. i started drugs after we stopped talking. and drinking a lot. i got addicted. i
became a thief. i fell in love. 
you know, im waiting til i turn 18, but im getting "be spontaneous" as a tattoo on
my wrist for you. you always taught me that. i was the quiet girl who planned
everything. but you, you came along and you showed me that you didnt even know what
the fuck you were doing or where you were heading. you didnt know what youd do the
next day. i thought you were insane. insane in a lovely way, but now i know that what
you did was beautiful. amazing. i love not knowing whats gonna happen tomorrow. its
just a new day i get to figure out. 
im also getting this heart, its a bass and a treble clef. it makes a heart. because i
still sing, and im still exactly into music, like i was before. 
and then a yin and yang sign because it means "good and bad" or "black and white".
like, things will be good and bad, you cant have one without the other. like life.
things will be good and things will be bad, things have to fall apart to form better
things. so im getting that with "What's meant to be, will be" beside it. that one was
kind of inspired by you too. 
and with that tattoo is what im going to say next. 
whats meant to be will be
i guess we werent meant to talk in 2012, but i really hope youre alright. i hope
you're healthier. i hope youre addiction is gone. and i hope you are madly in love
with a girl who feels the same way about you
ill always love you (: 
- kristina

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