CHRISTMAS EVE!! And it's shit. Login to Kupika  or  Create a new account 

This diary entry is written by NikolaBleedsBleu. ( View all entries )
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CHRISTMAS EVE!! And it's shit.Category: (general)
Saturday, 24 December 2011
11:09:29 AM (GMT)
So my parents are visiting my grandparents in Florida with my little brother which
is pretty much what happens every year except some Christmases they visit our other
grandparents in Washington. 

SOOOO it's just be and Ivan again. We kind of started our own tradition of making
each others' Christmases wonderful, like for the past four or five years its been
weird being alone really at Christmas so we'll make the most of it and throw a party
for ourselves or play games all day will this Christmas Eve I got up super early and
I made breakfast and I brought it to his room and pretty much presented my ass to him
and he pretty much said he had better things to do. 

SO today instead of getting busy all day and chilling around and eating and sleeping
and spending the whole day together he's at his friend's Christmas party. I couldn't
go because me and that particular friend are enemies, my best friend is spending time
with is family and so it's Christmas and not only have I been rejected completely, I
am alone.

 He didn't even really touch the breakfast I made! He got like one sip of fucking
orange juice and a bite of waffles and then he was gone because he wanted to buy some
shit or whatever and UGH it's not fair!! 

And he said he's going to be gone most of Christmas anyway and I mean it's not even
fucking fun because I know ALL my gifts, they're under the tree and I don't have that
much stuff and I mean this winter break has been so obnoxious. He didn't help me with
the tree, he hasn't touched me like at all really, and I just feel neglected. 

He's been partying a lot and I mean normally we party together but UGH I dunno it's
just frustrating like okay my thing is if you're not attracted to me anymore or you
don't want me or you've found someone else just fucking say so, don't pull me along
on a string and let me beg for you that's embarrassing as shit. 

I feel like before we always sent each other text messages like you know kinky stuff
and if he's around people now he won't text me anything like he'll say he's over
their house and I'll say that I say Hi and then he texts about stuff thats happening
MAYBE and then he probably won't come home and won't text me in the morning and maybe
I'm being needy. 

But I mean I AM a needy person. I like a lot of attention and a lot of petting and
loving and maybe he's just giving me a normal amount of attention and I'm just
ungrateful but I hate this. I hate being alone. I really do, like I can't fap alone

I can't do it. I can't touch myself because I freak out and I know why but it's
upsetting and he won't touch me and I haven't been going to other people so I've been
like chaste for months like not even making out really because now all I get is quick
bye kisses or some shit. Fuck this.

*Also, I read that solid blocks of text give people headaches so I went through and
chopped things up.

‹*wisps~of~whispers~in~the~dark*› says:   9 January 2012   160164  
Nikolaa.(: I'm sorry I haven't talked to you in forever!! This is
Courtney, btw. Idk if you remember me, but I deleted my other account
so I made a new one. And I got a new phone and I don't have your
number anymore. :/ And I'm sorry about Ivan. :/ I hope he comes to his
senses.(: He probably will, though. Idk how any guy could stay away
from you!!!!(:
NikolaBleedsBleu says:   15 January 2012   348290  
It has been FOREVER! I missed you soo much! I thought you were mad at
me or something u_u. Things actually have gotten worse and I don't
understand but text me! My # is 804-210-2313
‹That Shirt's Hella Dough› says :   17 February 2013   110227  
Ohhai it's courtney again. <3
I never saw this reply and Ithought you didn't remember me ;-;
You haven't been on since 2012 WAT
GET ON I miss you. ;-;

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