Saturday, 23 July 2011
04:51:42 AM (GMT)
I guess, when I think about it, elementary to middle school was probably one of the
reasons I developed an eating disorder. The kids were really, really mean to me. I
was a little bit chubby (which most kids are) and I was teased for it. I really don't
know how 9 year olds can be that terrible. It hurt really, really, really, really
badly. I would cry a lot. But y'know, my brother was amazing, even as a kid, and he
told them to back off. He stood up for me. He made it so much easier. When we were
close he used to hold me as I cried. He used to listen to me, be there for me. I miss
that. I miss that so much. When I turned 12, grade 7, I actually started to grow. I
believe at the beginning of the year I was somewhere around 4'6, at the end I was
5'2. I grew tits. Tiny tits, but still tits, and I got skinny. I didn't do anything,
it just happened as I grew. We moved end of grade 8. New town, new school. High
school. It was the first time I had never been made fun of for how I looked.
We moved to Chicago. Chicago was great. I met the first boy I fell in love with when
I was 15. 10th grade. His name was Drew. He was amazing. As I started hanging out
with Drew more and he became more important to me, Cameron and I started to drift
apart. He had numerous girlfriends and was popular, I was one of the nerdy girls with
a nerdy boyfriend. We were pulled apart by cliques and highschool and shit. We used
to be so CLOSE. Unless you've had a twin, I don't think you really understand how
much it HURTS to be pulled away from them. Cam didn't even talk to me about stuff
anymore. We used to be inseperable and talk about everything. In middle school he
even switched classes to be in my class, with me. I was too shy to talk to the office
people. I miss him. He's one wall over, and I miss him. I miss Drew. I miss my dad.
It feels like a quarter of my heart is missing. Not half, no, Jared fills the quarter
that was ripped out when I moved away from Drew. I moved to Greenville, and it was
like I was on another planet. A planet where ALL the girls were rail thing, a planet
were all the guys were well built and... well... hot as fuck. There's this one girl.
Blonde. Blue eyes. Ballerina. She's perfection, beauty. And another girl. Brown hair.
Piercing green eyes. I believe at one point she had anorexia. But she's fit now. She
has abs. She's... amazing. This time instead of people taunting me, it was
myself in the voices of the children from when I was little. Remembering. That
couldn't happen again. Yet, I did nothing about it. And then I found tumblr. Oh,
tumblr. You are the fucking death of me. I used to look at pictures of only skinny
girls, seeing if I could count their ribs. That's when it all started.