man, fuck you. Login to Kupika  or  Create a new account 
 

This diary entry is written by gooodnight. ( View all entries )
 
Previous entry: mariah is my world, in category (general)
.....

man, fuck you.Category: (general)
Monday, 27 December 2010
06:44:37 AM (GMT)
alright. so, something happened last night that I really need to.. talk about. er, get off my chest. there's this guy I know, an aquaintance, a friend of a friend, and I've known him for probably.. a year. about eight months ago, i happened to run into him at a friend's house, and I noticed that he had scars and cuts all up and down his arms. I knew right away that they were.. self inflicted, and it was hard for me, but i asked him if he was okay, and I told him that I saw his arm, I made sure I said it in the nicest way possible, and in private. he made up an excuse, he said that he had gone hunting, and that he had gotten cuts and scrapes because of the bushes. and I knew that it was a lie, and I have made up so many excuses in my life, and i mean, that's a pretty lame excuse, but i suppose desperate times call for desperate measures. i knew that he probably didn't want to talk about it, so, I just dropped the subject, and I haven't seen him very often since then, keep in mind this was like, eight months ago. well, i saw him last night, at the mall, and he was with a group of people that I happen to know. and, well, he was wearing a short-sleeved shirt, and he had.. burn marks all up and down his arms. like, I would guess over fifteen of them, around the size of quarters. from his wrist, all the way up above his elbow. it was obvious to me that they were relatively new, and they looked horrible. I could tell that he did it himself, and it concerned me because he is a friend, and I knew that he lied about it eight months ago, and he was obviously still doing it. he switched from cutting to burning, and.. idk. so, anyway, we're all hanging out at the mall, and the entire day he looked like he was having a good time, and i didn't want to.. bring it up right away. I didn't know if I should talk to him, or if I should just let it go, and my personal decision to begin with was that I was just going to get his number, and call him and talk to him one on one sometime this week. I felt that it was just something that I wanted to do, like I needed to talk to him, but I didn't want to do it there, in front of everyone. so, later on we're all sitting around talking, and two of the guys we were with confronted him about the burn marks, and scars. They asked, ya know, "what happened?" "did you do that to yourself?" etc. To my surprise, the guy didn't make an excuse, he just said um, he said "I'm depressed, and I burn myself." He just said it, like that, I was shocked. But I didn't say anything, I just, I couldn't believe it, and I thought that, well, it's probably a good thing, that he's coming out with it. The reaction from the other guys, of course, wasn't good. They basically started to.. preach to him, and as most self injurer's know, it's really really hard when your friends or your family try to tell you what to do when they find out about your self injury, and they just try to make you do things. So, these guys just started going off on him, saying that he needs psychological help, and he needs to see a professional, etc. They sorta went off on a tangent about him needing to "just stop." like, "just stop it, and walk away." and ya know, I was sitting there, and the people closest to me, they know that I used to self injure, and it's kind of like an unspoken thing, like, they know it's there, but they don't bring it up all the time. I just, I didn't agree the way they were attacking this guy. I was honestly getting more pissed off, and offended as the day went on, and they kept talking to him like he was a child, and just telling him, like "bad! don't do that anymore!". I mean, like, I felt like they were talking to me, too. I was offended, and offended for him. I looked at him, and he was just staring at the ground. He looked so embarrassed, and he just looked like he wanted to sink into the floor, and disappear. I know what that's like, I what it's like to just want to disappear, and I know what it's like be called out like that, in public. So, I made the decision at that point, to look at this guy, ya know, and just look him in the face, and say "You know what? I'm a self injurer too. I know what it's like to be depressed, and depend on pain. You are not alone." And I said that to him. I mean, I really had to swallow my pride, because there was an audience, I mean, we weren't in private, at all. He looked at me, and he pulled up my long sleeve, and he just looked so.. relieved to see the scars there. So, then, the people who were calling him out, they started talking to me, and saying things like "you guys need help, and we don't want you to kill yourself." It should be known that there is a difference in killing yourself, and self harming. Not all self injurer's are in it to kill themselves. People are just.. ignorant. And I mean, there were people here saying that they "went through that phase, and got over it." and "If I can do it, you can." And I told them that it's not about suicide all the time, and yeah, people might think of it, from time to time if you're depressed, but suicide and self injury do not always go hand in hand. Just because it may have went that way for some, doesn't mean it's that way for everyone. You can have one without the other.. Some people just.. don't understand this. I really wasn't looking to get into a debate about it, but one of the guys looked at me and he said "You might deny right now that you are suicidal, but self injury is a gateway to suicide, and you won't understand until you find yourself hanging from the end of a neus, after you've kicked over the chair, and their's noone there to save you." I was appalled, to say the least. So, I chose to remove myself from that situation, because I wasn't getting anywhere, and everything that I said, these guys were just in my face, just from both sides, yelling and, I mean they weren't listening or even trying to understand. I'm sitting here thinking, I mean, I know what I'm talking about. It was like they were making it about them, and it was turned into having something to do with religion, and how "if you hurt yourself, you're going to hell" and "finding an appreciation for life from god." and it just went on, and on. Just because you self injure does not mean you don't appreciate life. It doesn't mean you're a selfish person. So, one of the guys got mad at me, and he basically just left, as he was leaving he was saying that I have no regard for life, and that I was just trying to make this into like, a nonissue, and that I was "playing down" the severety of the situation. I wasn't doing that at all, I just didn't think that they should've called this guy out in the middle of this group, and I didn't think it was right that they were stereotyping him, and basically feeding into this society about things that they knew nothing about. I thought it was completely unfair, and I wasn't going to "shut my mouth", and not say what I thought, because I was beyond pissed. And it wasn't fair, and this guy was so upset. Sometimes, calling someone out for this kind of thing can just.. make it worse. I can remember a time in my life, where if someone would call me out for self injury and I felt ashamed, and scared, that I would cut myself just to get my mind off of what they had said. I just felt like it was all my fault because if I weren't fucked up like this, then they wouldn't have a reason to call me out on it, and embarrass me. I could just see it in that guy's face, that he was upset, ashamed, and scared, and they were only making it harder for him. I just wanted to.. protect him. I just wanted to hug him, and tell everyone else to go away. I wanted to just take him somewhere, and hide him, so he wouldn't have to go through this. This shouldn't happen to people. Have a fucking heart. They were being so mean about everything to him, and he didn't deserve it. One of the guys, I remember him saying "what does she think she is, a fucking psychiatrist?" and I really hope that they don't carry this shit into the world, making people believe false things, and making the world a harder place to be for self injurer's. You can't just catagorize people like that into "stupid people who cut themselves", everyone has a different life, a different mind, and a different situation, you can't assume that you wouldn't do the same thing they are unless you've lived the life they have. Don't judge someone just because their coping mechanism is different than your own. It just isn't right. I'm no psychiatrist, but god damn, I know what I'm talking about. Have a little compassion. In this particular situation, I knew how this kid felt, I've lived it. If anyone was the expert here, it was not them, but me. This kid wouldn't talk to anyone for the rest of the day, and before he left, I gave him my phone number, hugged him, and told him that he could call me any time he needed to talk, or anything. I hope the by me putting my ass on the line in front of all of those people, that he understands that I do know where he's coming from, and I hope that he know's that he isn't alone. I just, I felt like these guys really didn't care about the well-being of this kid, or anyone but themselves, for that matter. It seemed to me as though they thought he was just there for their own personal amusement, to poke at. People that act this way are part of the reason that some people self injur, and part of the reason that some people are suicidal. People need to be careful what they say. It's okay to be genuinely concerned, but doing it just to be mean is completely wrong. There's a line that you just shouldn't cross. These guys just, crushed my spirit, and hope. Self injury is an extremely hard thing for someone to deal with already, without people like these guys torturing them through it. Just something for people to consider.
Last edited: 27 December 2010

Comments 
‹✬Kaybell❣› says:   27 December 2010   523303  
*claps*

I understand completely, I have a few scars of my own. It's something
that is judged on an everyday bases and the ones whom judge don't look
at the other side of the issue. Yes, that person may seem like to be
having a hard life, but they don't understand how their mind
opperates. The assume everyone's mind is like one anothers and they
try to tell people right from wrong, when they don't seem to know the
difference themselves. I've been called out many of times and lectured
just by my depression, this just now being added on is alot more than
one person can take. 

I just wanted to say I can relate to the problem, sorry if I wasted
any time you might've thought was useless to read this comment. D:
 
‹<I-Iƨʜ-ᙠɘ-Яɒvɘn⅃ɘɒ-Muƚʜɒᖷuɔʞɒz› says:   3 January 2011   318425  
so true...
 
wildhumanchild says:   19 January 2011   180220  
ok, no. 
i disagree whole heartedly.
everyone is different, and maybe this guy is suicidal. you're
completely contradicting yourself. maybe he is about to commit
suicide. what are you proving, by making a big scene out of this and
embarrassing him?
this is totally stupid and i hate that i can't unsee things.
you're the ignorant one.
"everyone has a different life, a
different mind, and a different situation, you can't assume that you
wouldn't do the
same thing they are unless you've lived the life they have"
they told you they've been in the same situation as you.
just because you harmed/harm yourself, doesn't mean you know more
about it than they do. you don't know him full and full, you hadn't
even seen him in eight months.
this pisses me off beyond belief. 
you don't know how he was feeling.
you have such an invalid point!
you're completely wrong. hoooly shit, this makes me totally pissed the
fuck off.
 
goodmorning says:   19 January 2011   486693  
e__________e you're super late.
 
wildhumanchild says:   19 January 2011   717145  
@goodmorning 
ok, this is my caring expression:
:D 


but not really.
this pisses me off.
to so many extremes. 
 
goodmorning says:   19 January 2011   506518  
blehh.
 
wildhumanchild says:   19 January 2011   288346  
@goodmorning 
do you not see my point, though?
she thinks she knows this kid that she hadn't even seen in months. and
she has the nerve to make a scene when she wasn't even right, and
embarrass him for what? to look like a total jackass? 
 
goodmorning says :   19 January 2011   518706  
i don't really agree with anyone. :P i don't really care to be
honest. i wasn't a part of it, maybe thats why. haha.
 
 
HTML Tips

 
Next entry: </3 in category (general)
.....
Related Entries
Eccentric_: Taking up cutting again?Say it ain't so! Who cares,Elliot?Gosh D:
raveygurl: EMO
‹♠ 雲 ♠›: i'm not emo anymore
‹[Belongs.In.Neverland]<3›: rant based off the "get rid of emos and scene" oekaki.
KittyDollChan: Cutting :3 poems


About Kupika    Contact    FAQs    Terms of Service    Privacy Policy    Online Safety
Copyright © 2005-2012