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This diary entry is written by falling_from_grace. ( View all entries )
 

Beautiful SuicideCategory: Writing
Sunday, 1 February 2009
03:13:42 AM (GMT)
Sitting up in by bed awaken, trying to catch my breath from a dream that to any
other person would be a nightmare but to me is a beautiful dream I would never want
to wake up from. Never wake up, the perfect words....I get up from my bed and shut my
door hoping no one else in awake. I leave the light off just in case. My heart beats
loud in my chest, knowing what I'm about to do. I grab my razor from my top shelf of
my closet. The cold iron on the inside of my upper arm sends shivers through my 
body, but that can't stop me. Feeling the best part of cutting, the adrenaline
running through my veins right before the cut, I push down and release the crimson
flood. I sit there mesmerized from the blood flow down my arm. Getting my thought
back I rap the blade in a old cloth and shove it in my pocket. 
Don't want anyone to find this. 
I creep through the house to the front door. Mom fell asleep on the couch again and
she looks peaceful. 
I'll be that peaceful soon. 
I head out the door to my place of grace. The cold crisp early morning air hits my
bare legs it feels nice. I start to run. My feet hit the ground in a rhythm that
keeps getting slower and slower. My head starts to hurt and my vision starts to
spin.I slow to a fast walk, almost to were I want to be. Getting there, I stand on
the side of the bridge looking at the deadly water below. I can feel my heart beat in
my arm were I cut it. 
So this is my fate? 
I look up into the dark morning sky and scream to heaven "Is this what I'm here for?
Has the best part of my life really already past me by? If your as great and real as
people say then why do you let me suffer?" My skin feels hot but the cool wind helps.
I get on the edge of the bridge a turn my back to my watery grave. Horrible memories
stream through my brain. 
"I love you, Hope, please lets do this.....No, Joey. I love you but I'm not
ready.....Hope, I can't take you anymore! Your fucking crazy! You say you love me but
you're not ready to do anything else!! Its over, maybe now I can find a girl that
will give me some....Ha! I never loved you I just wanted to get a easy
lay!......Joey! No, I love you!....No Hope its over, so get over it!"  
Tears run down my face and they feel like fire. Anger and pain overtakes my body.  
"Your about as good as a old torn up rag....Your nothing,and thats all you'll ever
be...." 
I can't take this anymore, my legs give out and I'm free falling. And for the first
time in a long time I feel like I'm doing the right thing. Just like my dream.
No, Joey, now its all over.
Last edited: 2 May 2009

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