I've decided to share my story.
It will be really long.
It might be interesting.
I've never seen it in another person's view.
Anyway, this isn't supposed to make you happy.
This isn't supposed to make you smile.
This isn't supposed to make you feel all happy inside.
But it will.
And you'll smile a lot.
But you'll cry too much.
I did, anyway.
I've changed every name in this.
For obvious reasons
Everything except the names in this story is 100% true.
I had a wonderful childhood. I grew up with my mom. My biological father had divorced
her when I was born and passed away when I was nine. He commited suicide. But I didnt
know that at the time. I found that out when I was 11.
Anyway, I grew up with the greatest people on earth. My grandma was a huge part of my
life. So, obviously who she hung out with, I was with.
My mom was a single mom, obviously. My grandma ended up watching me since my mom
worked two jobs to try to support me.
My grandma had a best friend, named Mary. They went to high school together.
Mary had two grandchildren.
Elizabeth, who was seven years older than me. Ethan who was four years older than
My grandma went over to Mary's house almost every day. Mary couldn't drive due to
seizures that she often had.
So, my grandma would drive her around quite a lot. I always ended up hanging out with
her grandchildern a lot. We always built forts in Mary's garage. We stayed in hotels
with my grandma and Mary all the time. We went swimming in the summer.
We grew up together.
Then, when I was six. When Ethan was ten. Elizabeth was thirteen. Their family moved
to Indiana from Illinois. Mary stayed in Illinois.
I eventually forgot about Ethan and Elizabeth. Correction: I didn't forget. I got
over the fact that I might not ever see them again.
When I got old enough to understand things, I often asked Mary about Ethan and
Elizabeth. I was about twelve. But, eventually, Mary seemed to fall off the face of
Not literally, but I didn't hear much about her for a while.
Then, in the summer of 2012, my grandma fell and was hospitalized with a shattered
shoulder. Mary was one of the first ones to know.
She came to the hospital one day after my grandma's surgery to spend the night. That
was a night I also spent staying with my grandma in the hospital. We had fun,
To my complete surprise, Mary told me that Ethan and Elizabeth's family had moved
back to Illinois in early April of that year.
They would be picking her up from the hospital the next morning.
I'd be getting to see them after eight years of them being absent in my life. I
I did the math that night. Ethan would be seventeen years old since I was fourteen.
Elizabeth would have already moved out to college so I wouldn't get to see her. I was
still excited to see what this boy who I grew up with had turned into.
That morning, I was really tired. My mom came to the hospital to pick me up shortly
before Ethan and his parents arrived.
When they walked in the door, I finally saw him.
He was roughly six and a half feet tall. He was muscular and very good looking. He
wore a hat, but underneath was sandy brownish hair.
We didn't speak. Just a hello. Nothing more, really.
Three weeks later, after my grandma had gotten settled back home, I was supposed to
go to the HOI fair with my friend.
Well, she was sick.
So I didn't go with her.
We had an extra ticket and my grandma didnt know what to do with it.
So she called Mary and asked if Ethan would take me to the fair.
He said yes and on the 18th of July 2012, we went to the HOI fair.
We went on the ferris wheel first. I had told him that I was afraid of heights, so
I'm pretty sure he did this on purpose.
After about two times around, he offered me his hand. I took it eagerly and my
feelings for him...I knew they were mutual.
When we went home, he walked me inside. Since I had been staying with my grandma (she
couldn't be left alone), he dropped me off at her house.
"I had a great time tonight." He told me.
"Me too. Thanks for taking me."
He then embraced me in the warmest, biggest hug ever.
Not two seconds later, we kissed. It was amazing. Everything seemed perfect. We
exchanged numbers and texted non stop that night.
Without my knowing, he called my grandma the next morning before i had woken up. He
asked if he could come over for dinner that night.
She said yes.
To my surprise, at 5:00, Ethan walked into my grandma's house. I hugged him very
tightly and didn't want to let go. It seemed surreal that this was happening. How
perfect everything was....it was amazing. It was surely written by God Himself.
I learned a lot about Ethan that night.
He wanted to be a Pastor
He was 6'3"
He was a virgin
He thought I was an angel
He missed me every day I was absent from his life.
I already felt like I could read his mind. I already felt a connection to him.
He ended up staying that night since time got away from us and my grandma didnt want
him driving in the dark. My grandma let him sleep on the couch and I slept in my
room. I woke up at 5 am and immediately went out to the living room and woke him up.
We talked for hours.
The next few weeks were perfect.
The day I told him I loved him was July 30th of 2012.
We were at his house. Watching Juno. My favorite movie. I was laying across his chest
on his bed with him.
"Hey guess what." I said.
"I can feel your heart beat." I giggled. "And this is crazy. But that means your
"This would make more sense if I was dead though." His thumb brushed my cheek.
I looked up at him. "Why?"
"Because. You're an angel."
Then he kissed the top of my head and I laid back on his chest.
"I love you." I said.
"I love you too." He replied without missing a beat.
On August 1st, he gave me a promise ring.
It was his grandfather's claddagh ring. It was a promise that he wouldn't leave me
wounded. He'd always be there. No matter what.
On August 6th, I was sent into the ER with severe back pain, near my kidneys. I had a
horrible cough. I had a 103 fever. I had the chills and migraines.
I had pnuemonia and kidney stones.
Ethan rushed over the second he found out with a dozen white roses, my very own copy
of Juno, and the cuddliest teddy bear I had ever seen. That's when he asked me to be
his girlfriend. I don't remember much because of the morphine, but it was amazing.
He never left my hospital room for two whole days.
Even though I fell asleep in the middle of conversations. The drugs gave me
hallucinations. I thought I was going crazy. We watched Juno on repeat until they
Then he bought me ice cream and McDonalds french fries because I was craving them
On September 8th, his high school had Homecoming. He was a junior and I was a
My school didn't have Homecoming until September 29th, and I hadnt gotten my ID yet.
I couldn't get into the dance.
So, he made do with what we had. He only had three hours to put something together.
Turns out, in his backyard...he had Christmas lights strewn all around. He made us a
candlelight dinner, and made me a cd with our favorite songs on it.
1) Dearest- Buddy Holly
2) 6 months- Hey Monday
3) Crazy Girl- The Eli Young Band
4) So Far, So Good- The Rival Summers
5) Baby Blue Eyes- A Rocket to the Moon
6) Bring It On Home- Little Big Town
7) Wanted- Hunter Hayes
8 ) Mary's Song (Oh my my my)- Taylor Swift
9) Flightless bird, American Mouth- Iron & Wine
(If you haven't heard of these songs, you should really check them out. They are
really sweet, I'll post links at the bottom of this)
Things were perfect.
I had decided that he was the one by September 20th.
I gave myself away to him on September 23rd. My grandma's birthday.
He realized then that I was willing to give him everything.
By mid October, we had a pregnancy scare.
I was fine...
Also in mid October, he discovered that him and his family would be moving back to
Indiana at the end of his junoir year of high school in May.
He wanted to break up then.
I did everything I could to make him want to stay.
What had I done to make him think that we couldn't handle a long distance
relationship? Was our love not strong enough? Is that what he thought?
I finally gave up on thinking he would stay with me. We broke up but remained
I later found out by Halloween that they were moving because of financial issues.
I raised $500 for them by myself. I took money from my savings account. Hoping even
if I could pay only a month's rent, it would help even the slightest bit.
I gave it to them anonymously.
They still don't know it was me.
It was enough to pay only a little of their debt.
Even though it helped a little, they were still planning on moving.
By mid November, he had blocked my cell phone number. I had no way of contacting him.
On November 27th, I stopped by his house. I had some of things that I wanted to give
back to him. Including his ring...
But he wanted me to keep it.
We talked for about twenty minutes while I was there.
I also discovered he had a new girlfriend already...
They had been together since November 18th.
Only a few weeks after we had 'officially' ended.
I saw then what I really meant to him. I was crushed. I didnt sleep for three whole
days. I skipped school because I wasn't getting the sleep or food I needed. I was in
I completely understood the pain of a break up.
I went back to school the following Monday. I started eating bits of food again.
Eventually got back to better shape.
He unblocked my phone number by mid December.
We started talking again. He got sexual with his text messages.
He ended up sending me pictures of...ya know.
And so I found it right to tell his new girlfriend, Alison, about this. I would have
liked to know if my boyfriend was doing this...
I told her.
They remained together.
That was on December 20th.
On December 27th, he was supposed to have surgery to correct the height diferences in
his legs. His right leg was three inches shorter than his left.
He didn't speak to me from the 19th to the 28th.
My cousin Ryan came into town on the 28th for Christmas.
I texted Ethan's friend, Courtney about his surgery to find out if he was okay.
He almost died...
I called Mary who was already at the hospital.
By that night, he was concsious again.
Ryan had taken me to get ice cream at 11 pm because he wanted to help. I spilled
everything to him. Things that I hadn't told anyone else.
We sat in his car until 2 am waiting for a phone call from Mary.
We fell asleep in his car.
At 10 am, i got a call from a number that I didn't recognize. I picked it up and it
was OSF St. Francis hospital.
The hospital Ethan had his surgery at.
My heart dropped.
No matter how much he had broken me, I hoped and prayed that he was alive. That he
It was him calling me.
He asked if I wanted to come see him. I told him that I needed to check with my mom.
If she would take me.
She said it was for the best.
I cried for an hour and a half.
Torn to pieces. Ryan held me. He cried with me.
I found out that night that Ethan had been cheating on me since August with Alison.
I was crushed again. I could literally feel the pain in my chest.
I didnt eat again.
I couldnt keep anything down. It was horrifying.
Finding out that the person you gave your everything to...was a fake? How do you deal
I'm still trying to figure that out...
I found out tonight, January 2nd... he has been with Alison since June...
Everything was a lie.
I still can not accept this.
I also found out that they aren't moving.
It was just a lie made up by Alison to get Ethan and I to break up.
I found out why they stayed together after she found out what he sent me.
She knew about me the whole time.
I was just a toy.
I'm sorry for whatever I did.
All I did was love you...
You know who you are....
Last edited: 3 January 2013
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