Wednesday, 30 May 2012
03:26:48 PM (GMT)
They say flaws are imperfections but they really aren't. They are perfections
because they make you who you are. I am tired of all these annoying fakes too afraid
to be who they are. I am not afraid to be who I am. This is who I really am:
My name is Stephanie and I'm a softmore in High School. I'm a tomboy metal/pot head.
I'm very racist but I don't give a fuck what people think about that. Ya could hate
me for all I care. Most people hate me anyways. I'm more intelligent then I act. I
don't act stupid for attention but I'm very clueless. Sick of people calling me
ignorant. I have been bullied since 1st grade and my life has been a living hell. My
dad is an alcoholic and I hate him. He lives with me but I go months at a time
without speaking a single word to him. I have never had a real conversation with him.
When I do speak to him I rarely say more then one word to him. Being the youngest,
I've never gotten much love from my mom. Yeah she babies me but we don't talk. She
gets along better with my sisters. I've been ignored mostly. No one really
understands me in my family. I am a gamer chick. I'm depressed. Most of my life I hid
behind a mask afraid of opening up to people but since last year I took away that
mask and am not afraid no more. Though, my biggest fear is coming home to my dad dead
or getting a call that he died in a drunk driving accident. I can't wait till my
parents get divorced. My dad can burn in hell for all I care. I've nearly killed
myself twice in 10th grade. The first time was when all my friends turned against me
and I had absolutely no one. Everybody acted like I was the bitch from hell. I was
extremely miserable and thought life would be better off without me apart of it. The
second time was when I was really depressed. Everyone was out and I was home alone. I
had the sharp knife and I was standing in the living room. All I needed was to stab
the jugular and all the suffering I endured would be over. My boyfriend Cody saved me
from myself. I have massive trust issues where I can barely trust even my closest
friends, I have low self esteem, and I'm self conscious of my body.
I can say all of this because I'm not afraid of being judged. I'm sick of people
bullying and making my life hell. I'm sick of people saying "oh its just a phase."
I'm sick of people saying I'm not depressed because everyone has break downs. People
don't have break downs constantly. Just cause I don't cut myself doesn't mean I'm not
depressed. My 2 best friends cut their selves and I don't think cutting is worth it.
I'm sick of people getting a sick thrill of my misery. I'm fucking sick of everything
in this world but hey. I'm still alive aren't I. Just cause I almost killed myself
twice doesn't mean shit. I didn't do it. Instead I'm slowly killing myself by smoking
Last edited: 1 June 2012