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This diary entry is written by NeMeQuittePas. ( View all entries )

DEAR MALEAH!Category: (general)
Tuesday, 5 July 2011
09:24:15 PM (GMT)
Dear Maleah, I don't know how to tell you this but, I'm in love with your cat. I think I realized it last year when you peed your pants outside your office, and I saw you sit on my boyfriend. I'm sure you're senile enough to understand that i'm allergic to your earlobes. I'm returning the couch cushions, but i'll keep you're criminal records as a memory. You should also know that I Love your sweet, sweet lips, and I will haunt you when I'm reincarnated as an Eskimo. Go drown yourself, Brittney. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Here's how you do it: Dear (someone you recently talked to), I don't really know how to tell you this, but (1). I think I realized it (2)(3) and I saw you (4)(5). I'm sure you're (6) enough to understand (7). I'm returning (8 to you, but I'll keep (9) as a memory. You should also know that I (10) and (11). (12), (Your name) 1) What's the color of your shirt? Blue - I'm in love with your cat Red - Our affair is over White - I’m joining the Convent Black -Our romance is forever Green- Our socks don't match Grey - You're a leprechaun Yellow - I'm selling myself for candy Pink - Your nostrils are insulting Brown - The mafia wants you No shirt - Purple hedgehogs want to destroy you Other -I dislike your eyelashes 2) Which is your birth month? January - That night you picked your nose February -When I quoted Forest Gump March - When your dwarf bit me April - When I tripped on peanut butter May - When I finally changed my underwear June - When you put cuffs on me July – When I saw the purple monkey August - When you smacked my elbow September - Last year when you peed your pants October - When we skinny dipped in the bathtub November - When your dog bit my leg December - When i threw out your sock drawer 3) Which food do you prefer? Tacos - In your apartment Chicken- in your car Pasta - Outside of your office Hamburgers - Under the bus Salad – As you were eating Kraft Dinner Lasagna - In your closet Kebab - With Jean Chrétien Seafood - In a clown suit Sandwiches - At the Elton John concert Pizza - At the mental hospital Hot dog - Under a street light Other - With George Bush and Stephen Harper 4) What's the color of your socks? Yellow - Ignore Red - Put whipped cream on Black - Hit on Blue - Knock out Purple - Pour syrup on White - Carve your initials into Grey - Pull the clothes off Brown - bite off Orange - rubbed anti-bacterial soap on Pink - Pull the pants off of Barefoot - Sit on Other - Drive over 5) What's the color of your underwear? Black - My boyfriend White - My father Grey – The Catholic Priest Brown – The Montreal Canadian’s goalie Purple - My corned beef hash Red – My knee caps Blue - My salt-beef bucket Yellow - My illegitimate child in Ghana Orange - My Blink 182 cd Pink – Your ‘My Little Pony’ collection Other --The elephant in the corner 6) What do you prefer to watch on TV? One Tree Hill - Senile Heroes- Frostbitten Lost - High Simpsons- Cowardly The news - Scarred American Idol - Masochistic Family Guy - Open Gossip Girl - Middle-class Annat -shamed 7) Your mood right now? Happy - How awful you are Sad - How boring you are Bored - That I get turned on only by garbage men Angry - That your smell makes me vomit Depressed – That we’re related Excited - That I may pee my pants Nervous - The middle-east is planning their revenge on you Worried - That your Ford sucks Apathetic - That you need a sex-change Silly - That I'm allergic to your earlobes Cuddly - That Santa doesn't exist Ashamed - That there is no solution to you being a dumb kid Other - That your driving sucks 8 What's the color of your walls in your bedroom? White - Your toe ring Yellow - Your love letters to me Red - The pictures from Vegas Black - Your pet rock Blue - The couch cushions Green - Your car Orange - Your false teeth Brown - Your nose hair clippers Grey - Our matching snoopy underwear Purple - Your old New Kids on the Block blanket Pink - The cut toenails Other - Your Hannah Montana underwear 9) The first letter of your first name? A/B - Your criminal record C/D - Your photo with the mustache drawn on it E/F - Your neighbors dog G/H - The oil tank from your car I/J - Your left ear K/L - The results of that blood-sample M/N - Your glass eye O/P - My common sense Q/R - Your mom S/T - Your collection of butterflies U/V - Your virginity W/X – Your sucide note Y/Z - Your credit cards 10) The last letter in your last name? A/B - Love your sweet, sweet lips C/D - Always will remember the pep talks E/F -Never will forget that night G/H – Will not tell the authorites that you stole the whale from the backyard. I/J – Mocked you behind your back constantly K/L - Hate your cooking M/N - Told in my confession today about the moose poaching O/P - Told my psychiatrist about the bruises Q/R - Get sick when I think of your feet S/T - Always wanted to break your legs U/V - Haven’t showered in a month W/X - Will try to forget that you broke my heart Y/Z – am better off without you 11) What do you prefer to drink? Wine- Our friendship is ruined Soft drink – I’m off to lead a new life as a lemon Soda – I will haunt you when I’m reincarnated as an Eskimo Milk - The apartment building is on fire Water – I'm scratching my butt as you read this Cider– You ruined my attempts at another world war. Juice – I have a passionate interest for mice Snapple/Vitamin water – You should get that embarrassing rash checked out Hot chocolate – Your Cucumber-fetishism is weird Whiskey - I love Oprah Winfrey Beer – Thanks for the Cocaine Other – you should stop picking your nose 12) To which country would you prefer to go on a vacation? Thailand – Warm tingly sensations Australia - Greetings to your frog Leonardo France - Love always Spain - With tears of sadness China – You make me sick Germany – Please don’t hurt me Japan - Go milk a cow Greece - Your everlasting enemy USA - Best of luck on the sex change Egypt – Kiss my butt England - Go drown yourself

ecstasy says:   5 July 2011   169812  
I love you too!
God that was fucking hilarious.
ecstasy says:   5 July 2011   380285  
‹blue_emo› says:   19 July 2011   989152  
lol i did this and sent it to my boyfriend and he called me sayin "
dirtbag says :   5 August 2011   292377  
i'm stealing this noooow.

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