Saturday, 9 May 2009
12:25:26 AM (GMT)
I'm almost speechless on how today was.
last night I kept thinking on how depressed I'd be if I got rejected.
When I came to school today I was really not in a mood to face anything from
even when she did smack me in the face with her hair again.
The thought of telling him and he rejecting me literally made my eyes water during
I'm sorry but I have this way of thinking something depressing, angry or happy and
instantly feeling the emotion when nothing's happened yet.
I didn't get to sit next to him during the morning announcements.
I really don't have much comments.
At lunchtime it came to me.
While I was sitting at the table I realized something.
he has a girlfriend
And he told me it in a joking manor and yet I never thought I could instantly go from
happy to down right depressed so quickly.
And yet he already knew how I felt.
An ow would be a proper thing to say to this.
The end of the day came.
I was packing up my stuff and one of my friends asked why I wasn't friends with I
suppose you know who.
She explained the confusion I got last time.
When her laughed at the crush I had on him.
and the bitch was still there,
looking at me
already knowing my feelings.
I heard the words she used on me.
And you know what?
I felt honestly defeated.
She knows, there's no possible chance now.
And who do I have in school to talk about it to?
Mrs. Cullen is only here for two periods a day.
Thank god for Sunshine.
I know I'm going to kill myself for saying her name but when I actually began crying
she held me hand and cared.
I never got to see her much because we were in different classes.
But now since she's in my class she's really became a good friend
She helped me suck up my tears and I told her what's wrong and she reasurred me.
And when we got outside he also came to me and asked me what's wrong when he
saw my eyes watery.
Okay so he already knew.
And yet the conversation was unbelievably simple.
So simple that I almost got mad.
But he instantly cheered me up by making a joke about her
And hugged me and Sunshine in a way that was friendly.
Well when he left Sunshine actually forced me to talk to this girl.
of course it wasn't her
To be honest,
I really was not in a talking mood.
but she made me listen to everything this girl said and actually understood what I
What I heard from this girl....
"You take advantage of me"
"You're always defensive"
"I always try to be nice to you and you always ignore it"
"We never have anything in common"
"You're trying to seperate me from her"
"We just have a stronger friendship than me and you"
"She's my bestfriend so of course i'd go to her when she calls me"
Any comments on this?
I didn't think i'd have much.
I was forced to hug her at the end.
And apologive for my defensive and worrysome personality because I wanted to do the
fuckin' right thing D:<
You know what?
I never thought i'd say this but this chick could leave me the hell alone now.
What happened to accepting for who they are?
Isn't that what helps you get a friend?
I can never say my problems to her and yet she can.
I don't want her to be my friend.
What would be the point of us being friends again with her still here?
I'm not giving any decisions
I'm not splitting anything apart.
I'm just gonne be a stubborn bastard for once.
There's this special quote,
"The heart needs to bleed, if it's held back it'll only rot inside and the heart will
shrivel up and just reduce to nothing".
Maybe I should do that,
Because my heart bleeds to much
and when it's bled the person that's meant for it just let's it dry up.
Well this has already happened too many times.
Because even when I this ol' heart of mines is ready or bleeds love, affection and
all it gets is rejection D:<
I don't know nor care right now.
I have a few wishes right now.
The first one would be for me to have long hair.
Cause I wanna smack
her both of them in the face with it :x
I wish I was actually smart enough on the friends I make
'cause, well you know why.
I wish that my head wasn't so big.
I'm not even gonna go there right now.
I wish that I knew what to say to her to make her leave.
Because I've already made a promise to hurt her.
And last of all,
I wish that I was as pretty as his girlfriend :x
cause even though I've never seen her she must be beautiful.
I don't know >->
I don't think I know about this.
I don't think I'll try
But at least mines is above -40 D:<
What do I need right now?
My eyes are still burning a little.
I don't wanna talk to her.
I tried but I don't wanna talk to him.
To be honest,
I don't think I'd wanna talk to anybody at this moment.
OKAY GET THIS
Of all the wishes I have this one could be the only one to come true :x
I wish that anybody who had a problem with anything I do would leave me the hell
alone and get lost
Cause I'm tired of going back and forth and worrying of what I did wrong
and I'm tired of apologizing for crap that those prisses can't just shut up and
I need some Leona Lewis right now.
Bleeding love I suppose.
-puts it up-
Last edited: 9 May 2009