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This diary entry is written by ShannanSuicide. ( View all entries )

Love.Category: The Love Life Of The Hopeless.
Sunday, 29 March 2009
02:20:07 PM (GMT)
I thought He was the most perfect boy in the world.
I guess i was wrong.

But lets start from the begining.

My group of friends is awesome. There's Lauren - The best friend i'll ever have.
Funny, bubbly, outgoing, random, trustworthy, beautifull (and so much more) person i
have ever met. She is like the other half off me.          Andy - I Loves Andyrewwww
=D Andy is like the leader of the group. People (Not naming incase he figures out a
way to read this) tend to get pissed off at him sometimes because in our group there
is no leader, and we were all hanging out before Andy even started coming out with
us. But he really is a good friend and is always there for you.          Tom - Tom is
the little midget (Much like myself). He's a real laugh and the centre of most of the
things when he decided to come out with us, but latley he hasn't been out with us as
much as he used to. He's still a brill mate though and can always tell when i'm upset
or a little down.          Sam - Sam and I were best friends last year, along with
Tom. The three of us were always out on the park, or at my house, and were
inseperable. They were the first real best mates i had ever had. Sam was my boyfriend
and everything was happy for like...a few months. But then about 2 days before the
summer holidays, Sam broke up with me. And since then we havn't really been friends.
Alot of shit happened at a party at my house in november (Or around then anyway) and
we ust dont talk much anymore. He's like a different person and i dont know why. But
i'm over him so whatever....          Reece - Reece is amazing but kind of annoying.
Even a few days ago he thought i was drunk and thinks its okay to grope me -.- (He
faced the wrath for that one becuase i wasn't that drunk!) He's still a great
friend though =D          Awais - Awais is kinda random. We don't talk much, but when
we do talk he ok - lol - He's so random, he payed Lauren to do his GCSE course work
for him xD          Turner - Turner is the best friend i've ever had, but he
is also my suicide note. I love him more than life it's self, and he says he
feels the same way about me...meh! We make out all the time - and have done
more - but he feels ashamed to tell anyone he loves me. When we are alone he will doo
almost anything and he is the sweatest, nicest most amazing person
ever, but as soon as his mates come with us, hes like a different person. He won't
talk to me, even when i try to talk to him and he just completley kils me inside.

So now you know about everyone you know about the group of people i hang around with
mostly. There are other people, but they arn't really worth mentioning coz'
they are hardly out with us.

So yeah....anyone reading this, guys or girls, please can you give me some advice on
Turner (His real name is James).

I just dont know what to do anymore. I can't sleep at night because i'm thinking
about him, and wishing he would do what he used to do (A few weeks back i was upset,
and said goodbye to him on msn and went to bed, and an hor later he climbed up onto
my kitchen roof and through my window, stayed with me all night through my crying.
Then he left at 7.30am, walke round to the front door, and i let him in before my dad
woke up), but i feel like he won't ever do that anymore.
I sit there crying in bed at night, just wishing he would come and mak everything go
away, but he never does.
I miss him being there for me no matter what, i miss him smileing at me. I miss his
hands around my waist when we're in the park, and his hugs, and the way he plays with
my hair as we're talking. I miss his stupid act when he's singing to random songs,
and his amazing sence of humor - making me laugh even at the worst of times, And the
way he's wayyyyy too over protective and wont let me walk home alone,
or go out alone. But most of all, i miss him holding me tightly in his arms, in the
freezing cold, saying goodbye to me and kissing me...and telling me he loves me more
than anything in the world. That i'm the only girl he could ever ask for, and though
everything is hard, that it will get better. And then he decides he can't leave me
and stays with me a little longer.

He is my life, the air i breath, the food and water that keeps me alive, the bed i
sleep in at night, everything i love and hate in the world...but things are chaging.

He still does some of the things...but only when we are alone. I just want to know
what i can do to make him proud to do as he used to, and hug me andhold my hand
around his friends and say "Yeah...She's mine."

Things are so difficult.

Shannan-Louise x

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