Thursday, 15 January 2009
03:54:56 AM (GMT)
As I open my eyes in the morning, I just think and worry about my future.
Why can't I just die? I put on my fake smile so no one will bother about asking how I
My father just talks on and on about my future. Why can't he shut his mouth? He is
pressuring me, I can't even breathe.
My older sister...very sucessful so far....she got a scholarship to a wonderful
highschool and she is a freshman.
She keeps complaining about how I act. Can't I be myself?
My mother, she complains how dumb I am with speaking our family's language and
understanding it. She thinks I can just be an Amercian since I'm no good at our
As I walk into my school, I pretend to be happy when I'm in pain inside. My friends
don't notice the real pain I feel.
I wrote down on a paper dove "I have a dream that one day somone will understand the
words I'm saying and will see my pain" It was a assignment.
I work hard to get 100% on my schoolwork so my parents won't get upset.
I think about how both sides of my family are just greedy bastards. I hold in all my
stress on my back, which makes my back hurt.
I go home wishing I could be in heaven now. I go on the computer and act truelly to
my friends on there.
Since my parents are so picky about who I date and when I should date, I secretly
date on the internet because I need someone to love me and understand me. Music is my
My family has control almost everything about me, even what I will become in the
future. I'm chained down to the ground wishing to be free. Freedom is what I need in
As I go to bed, I just think about the cruel cold world outside my door and what will
just happen next. I pray to God asking him to help me survive even though I say I
want to die. Death is my fear but Death is just another adventure we have to part
I go to sleep having nightmares and blank dreams, I only had 5 good dreams in my
whole life.......I sleep and worry about my life.....