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This diary entry is written by MrAbsolution. ( View all entries )
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I hate everyoneCategory: (general)
Monday, 17 November 2008
08:15:31 PM (GMT)
I am mad at both of them. I hate them both they're all the worst friends I've ever
had. That make me sick and it's not fair. None of them ever care about me, they
didn't care about me even before this. They always let lesly and louis push me around
all Amy ever did was stop things from getting too out of hand and help me up. I hate
them so much I can't stand it. They didn't even respect me. Then Elliatt comes along
and they're all nice to him and they wouldn't dream of cursing at him or pushing him
into walls or beating him up. And then they find out his little situation and he
becomes this little angel that everyone loves. And they invite him everywhere and
have all these sleep over, it's cute when he dresses like a girl but I'm a "fucking
fag" when I do it. When someone beats him up they jump to his rescue and no one even
called to see if I was okay when I got beat up. Even in kindergarten, they'd always
go walking off without me or keep walking if I fell. The only person to even care
about me getting left behind was Amy and he only cared because if Louis and Lesly
went off I'd be around to talk to. They're the worst. And then they wonder why I'm so
mean or why I'm such a bitch when they haven't done anything to make me not a bitch.
It's not like my parents ever paid attention or cared if I was happy. Everyone just
took it for granted that just because they threw toys and stuff at me that'd I'd be
happy no matter what. I just hate them and I wish I knew how to make friends so I
could get new ones. They only want to hang out or talk to me when something happens
or when they want something. I don't care about any of them I hope they all jump off
a bridge. Especially Louis and Amy they're nothing but sex fiend jerks. I hate them.
They don't hug me or give me advice or even care when I'm crying and they never have.
If I'd tried to kill myself they would have yelled at me for being an idiot and not
even visited me. They wouldn't have thrown me a party or come to see me at the
hospital or bought me anything. They probably wouldn't have even cared because I'm
just some rich kid to them. Just because I wasn't raped or hurt or anything like that
doesn't mean I don't know what it's like to be completely alone I probably know
better than they do. I bet they have no idea how it feels to be me. Constantly alone
in a some big house with people who are either paid to care, so nosey they care or
legally have to atleast pretend they care. No one knows how it feels to be in some
dumb room surrounded by crap that can't talk to you or hug you or make you feel
better, just objects. They act like i don't feel insecure and scared like I'm just a
credit card shaped like a human. I may have never been raped or mutalated or any of
that but I'm constantly being verbally abused or beat up. My parent's friend's kids
HATE me, they always push me around, the kids at school push me around you're the
only one that isn't mean to me. And I don't care if you hate me too. I just want to
talk to someone. No one every talks to me just to have a conversation they always
want something. Even when I do nice stuff they ignore me. Like I let them have the
party at my house but no one said thank you or talked to me at the party. They
excluded me from everything and didn't even mention the fact that I'd left like they
didn't even notice. I don't understand why they have to be so mean to me. They make
me feel like they don't want me around and I'm just following and copying them. And
even though I'd been wearing skirts forever they always called me ugly and said no
one wanted to see my hair man legs in a skirt or a tank top for that matter. They
made me feel so bad about it that I stopped. Then Elly comes along and he's just so
cute and so sweet and they always hug him and if he falls everyone wants to help him
up. If we were to fall at the same time no one would even glance at me, even if my
brains were spilt all over the sidewalk they'd say "If you're coming get up or we're
leaving you." And then they have all the other kids at school thinking I'm some
weirdo nympho bitch slut. Everyone looks at me funny and bumps into me or whispers
about me. And the thing with Elly onlu made it worse. The whole school hates me and
now there's not even someone to laugh at how bad I lost when people beat me up. I'll
just be laying there. I'd even deal with getting hit by them all the time if I had
friends that made me feel wanted. It's not fair. I hate my parents I hate my family I
hate everything.

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