Thursday, 5 February 2015
03:31:15 PM (GMT)
Wanna know the BDSM mantra? Safe, sane, consensual.
So let me explain why this book was devoid of all three of these things.
Safe - In the first few chapters of the novel, Christian Grey tracks Ana’s cell
phone to find her at a club. Takes her home when she’s drunk, changes her when
she’s so intoxicated she doesn’t remember him doing so,and informs her he will be
keeping tabs on her for her own benefit. This is not the behaviour of a respectable
Dominant. This is the behaviour of a power hungry, abusive asshole who really can’t
take no for an answer.
Sane - One of the most important parts of BDSM is aftercare. Scenes can be extremely
traumatizing and intense for the submissive. Aftercare is anything from petting to
cuddling to holding to sweet talking, whatever degree of gentleness a bottom would
need to pull them out of “subspace”. How does Christian provide aftercare? He
submits Ana to a traumatizing first time spanking experience AND THEN FUCKING LEAVES.
AND GETS MAD THAT SHE DIDN’T TELL HIM SHE WAS UPSET. He’s the one who should
fucking know better! That, again, is not the act of a responsible Dominant. It’s
the act of a selfish abuser.
Consensual - Did I mention he undressed her when she was belligerently drunk? Tracked
her phone to locate her? He also buys her a new car despite her saying no countless
times. Now, consent is important for any kind of sexual activity at all. Consent
means informed, consent means enthusiastic. Informed, enthusiastic consent. This is
crucial in a BDSM setting. Scenes can be extremely intense, especially for the
bottom. What is Christian’s form of obtaining consent? Handing Ana a fucking
contract highlighting all the things he wants to do her asshole and asking her to
sign it. She was a virgin (Don’t even get me fucking started.) who had never before
been exposed to BDSM. Entering in that kind of relationship takes a gargantuan amount
of trust and knowledge so you know exactly what you’re getting into. Not reading a
list of kinks on a piece of paper and signing your rights to say no away. Christian
didn’t offer her resources, he didn’t offer her information. He gave her an
ultimatum. That is not the sort of consent a responsible Dom/me would seek from their
Fuck. This. book. It’s written in a shitty way, it’s a terrible example of a BDSM
relationship (ask anybody already involved in the lifestyle and watch them go blue in
the face just thinking about it), which is already faced with enough prejudice and
misunderstand, and it romanticizes and glorifies abuse.
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