Thursday, 27 December 2012
02:16:59 PM (GMT)
Before you proceed, please note that the following situations are
probably not accurate at all and very exaggerated.
So today I went through all of my previous entries (which are now private) and just..
Rammed my head into a wall for every time I sounded stupid. Which was like, a lot.
I mean, do any of you know the feeling?
If you've been on Kupika for a long time, for example. And you say to yourself, "Oh!
Why don't I check my previous stuff and see how I was like before and how much I've
grown? I can't wait to feel that wave of nostalgia again." and then you check a
couple of them and you do feel that wave of nostalgia which makes you really happy.
And you say, "Oh, to heck with it. I'll check my very first diary entry!" and then in
the midst of reading, you feel down right embarrassed because you used to sound like
a ridiculous school girl who thinks she can be popular by making an 'advice corner'
or a 'kupika magazine'. (or something like that)
So you're just like, "Wow, I was.. Stupid." but then you say, "Well, this is my first
entry.. I probably don't sound like this in my other ones." and then you check the
other ones and you still sound just as stupid. Then you read a couple more. At this
point you're kicking and cursing yourself for everything that you've written in your
Then, having enough of reading your old self's ridiculous diaries, you say, "I
remember the first club I've joined.. It's dead now, but there's no harm checking!"
and then you go check.
My first club was a roleplaying club.
It already had tons of members and they had more than a hundred pages each topic, but
me, being the epal person that I am, joined it anyways.
So my request was accepted, and I began to create my very first character.
I had absolute no idea what to do.
But I filled the form up anyways, and it was something like this:
Age: 9 (because I was.. well, 9.)
Personality: Kind, sweet, helpful, thoughtful.
History: Her parents died in a car crash when she was 4. She was very very sad. She
always faked smiles since then.
Appearance: (insert anime picture here)
I made a total Mary-Sue.
I mean, look.
I just put all the positive adjectives I knew into the personality section.
I made her past horrible.
AND SHE'S 9. Which isn't really a problem, but the picture I put in was obviously a
AND I PUT IN MY REAL NAME. Which isn't a problem either, but.. Well. You know.
AND I MADE HER USE A SWORD.
Tell me, people. Do 9-year old girls with pink hair that look like they're 16 use
swords? Do they? Hmm? No? Yeah, I thought so.
So that's that. My character got accepted.
So then I was like, "YIEEEE I'MA ROLEPLAAAAY"
so then I go to some random topic and make my character drown.
It went like this:
"-in the water- Help! HEEELP!!!1!11!!!! -coughs- I'M DROWNING."
And then someone actually REPLIED to this.
It went like,
"Austin (not the real name, btw. just made it up) was wandering about in the forest
trying to find his way to a body of water. After a few days of travelling, his
supplies decreased and he was in great need of water. He walked on and on,
desperately trying to find some river to satisfy his thirst and clean his aching body
that begged for some rest. He suddenly stopped in his tracks however, when he heard a
young girl's voice in the distance. 'I hear splashing and screaming.. Is she
drowning?' he thought, and ran towards the source of the voice, to be greeted with a
river and a little girl in it. He looked around for something to get her out as she
pleaded for help. "Hold on! I'll save you!" he yelled, throwing the girl a vine so
she could grab on to it."
Compare that post to mine.
And then I replied feeling no shame at all.
"-grabs on to the vine but it breaks- HEEEEEELP! PLEASEEEEEE!"
I was such an attention seeker.
So we continued on with the roleplay with me not knowing anything at all about how to
form a proper sentence let alone paragraph.
You guys still with me?
Surely you've experienced something similar, right? ...Right?
So by this point I was tired of torturing myself and just tried to erase everything
from my memory.
I am so ashamed and embarrassed, you guys. Like you don't even know.
Uhm. So anyways. Since I'm awkward and I have no idea how to end this diary, I'll
just.. walk away now.
Have a nice day.