"...but I won't be home again."
YoiteXMiharu_Missing - Evanescence
I have been listening to this song a lot and it feels too familiar and fitting. This
town has the same blue sky above it as anywhere else, but it doesn't suit my grey
moods. I shall think Seattle would like me, at least a little. I'd like to say sorry
to everyone now. To the people who say thier my friends, the ones who need the most
apology, I want to know why you didn't fade off sooner? I spent 2 years without a
single, real-life, non-relative or teacher friend, and I would have gladly (more like
sadly, though not depressedly) spent another twelve the same. Building someone up
just to tear them down is cruel and it looks like that's what happened. I am mostly
to blame though. I guess some of you feel blamed, and after a certain day in guidance
I can assume at least one wants to run away from me.
"Whine whine whine, Louis," Seems more fitting for my name to be the apposative
there. It's all I do. But I am SO FUCKING SICK of it all that i will not keep as
quiet as before. May I be struck down with at least a wim and will. I guess I'd like
to make a list of things that piss me off and things that make me cry,but do i dare
put it down and let them see what has made my little brain turn and twitch for so
long? I'd like to just do it and say they can get the hell over it, but honestly, I'm
not that bold.
There are a few things I'd like to point out though: I hate it when people compare
themselves and thier lives to me and mine. You don't fucking no what's happened to me
and around me, nor the thoughts put, pulled, and threaded into my mind; Don't act
like you know me and don't tell me your life is worse. Also: Fuck all of you who say
things like "I can't draw," "I don't play good," "I can't sing," "I'm not good at
such and such," You fucking sound like Bitchica, and you're acting like her, too.
You've got fucking talent. USE IT< KNOW IT; BRAG >Fishing for compliments.
Oh, and BTW: If you feel like i'm blaming you about something: Think about what the
fuck is going on before you write dumb shit down on a crappy card. I'm not blaming
anyone so stop fucking pushing my buttons. If you say that I hate you when I don't, I
will slowly start to hate you for real. So shut the hell up.
Just so you know: A few fun facts about me: One: I hate touching people, being
touched, being in close proximity to others of the same gender, and ect. Yes, I've
hugged people and pulled thier ears- It's (basically) a defense mechanism I developed
in 3rd-5th grade. You get left alone if you're wierd enough. People overlook you-The
indians won't touch you. It's useful. Two: I hate teenage drama bullshit- No one
cares, I've found that well-enough true. It's not different for you. Three: Group
activities scare me. Literally. My chest tightenes and I tense. I feel scrutinized
every moment and often make thoughtless mistakes. I often quit every group I'm ever
in Soccer/Baseball/Beta-club/Advanced Math/ect.
Wanna know a secret: Every character I compare myself to dies. Except one. Only
exception: Yusuke "Ono" Ono. He saw actually GOING to commit suicide. But he wanted
to do things he wanted to do before he died. He ended up going through an identity
switch and continuing to live.
BTW: you're welcome to used any of this against me; Other people have.
It's All Transient Though.
"Maybe one day you'll look up..."
And Barely Conscious, you'll say to no one..."
"'Isn't Something Missing?'"
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