Friday, 15 July 2016
08:26:36 AM (GMT)
Depression is not always a phase. It is a sine wave with a function that constantly
changes. Up and down, on and off, never knowing when the slope will curve. At least
that's how I have experienced depression and I salute to those still living with it.
I salute to those who wake up in the morning feeling worthless and insubstantial. But
I'm not writing to those bruised and tattered souls. I'm writing to those who look,
but don't see, and sense, but don't perceive.
Sorry for being a downer, for never being any fun when we are together. There's just
a nagging in my head telling me that I'll never be good enough for anything. I wish
you could hear it, too. I know I wasn't like this before and I don't want to stay
this way. Like Lucifer, I fell from grace and have been in this lonely void ever
since. Can you pull me out? I know I look like I get better and that I've crawled out
of the pit I was in, but I might fall, again, and it hurts so much when I do. I'm
sorry for acting like a weirdo and not eating properly or getting out of bed some
days. I'm sorry for acting like I have no life anymore, but the truth is some days I
wish I didn't have it. Some days, invisible hands suffocate me and my lungs burn with
anger and despair. Sometimes I need to be on my own.
Now, I how you try to help. You tell me to look at everything positively, but
sometimes you tell me to just deal with it and take it as it is. Now, if math and
science have taught me anything, it's taught me that when two opposites collide, they
cancel. So, do you just want me to stop existing? Because this has become a part of
me, whether I like it or not. Don't worry, sometimes I wish I didn't exist as well.
Sometimes, words don't help and are as hollow as me. Sometimes I act like I don't
care, but I do, believe me. Sometimes I don't act like myself, but I'm just lost. So,
wait for me until I come back to myslef. But what i need, we need, is patience.