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This diary entry is written by Xx_NothingLeftButMyDisgracefulSelf_xX. ( View all entries )
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Into My FairyTale, away from my NightmareCategory: (general)
Wednesday, 25 May 2011
03:56:25 AM (GMT)
When I Was Little If I Had A nightmare My Mom Would Lay Me Down, Tell Me To Close My
Eyes, And Open Up Her Mind And Make Up Stories About The Happy Little FairyTale Land
That Lived Inside Her Head..I Just Wish I Could Wake Up From My Nightmare And Run
Away Into That Perfect Land.

People See Me At School, In Public, And They See A Girl. Happy. Smiling. Laughing.
But When I'm Alone It's A Completely Different Story. Im Not That Happy Girl They
See. I Am Reality. I Am What I Always Was. A Mess. Broken. Betrayed. Alone. Scared
For My Upcoming Night. Where The Nightmares Will Strike Again.

I Hide The Scars The Best I Can. If I Don't. My Parents See, People See, My Teachers
See, And Then They Ask Questions. Like "Why I Do It," And "If I Know How Dangerous It
Is" well, Why I Do It? Sorry That's Too Personal To Go Into Depth With. Dangerous?
No, We -The "cutters"- Are Not Dangering Ourselves. We Are Simply Reminding Ourselves
With Our Blades That We Are Still Living, That The Past Is True. Why Won't I Stop?
Ha! Most Common Question ! Why? Because That Is MY Way Of Coping With The Pain,
Because When Everything Is Falling Apart I Have A Pain Medication To Numm The World
For A While. Because Nothing Will Ever Be "Ok" Untill I Stop Screaming On The Inside
And Just Fall Silent.

Sometimes, I Just Wish I Could Run Away Into My Imagination and Be Free. Finally
After My Kicking And Screaming, Finally Be Accepted For Who I Really Am. Not Who You
Make Me Out To Be. I Would Finally Take That Grinning Happy Faced Mask Off And Reveal
My True Self. The Girl Laying Curled Up In A Ball Hoping To Finally Get Her Chance To
Fly Would Be Thrown Into The Air, And She Would Finally Break Free From Her Haunting
Memories And Hopeless Mind, She Would Break Free From Her Chains And Just Drift

But...This Is Reality. I Will Never Run Away, Never Show My Real Self, Never Get My
Chance To Fly, Never Be Accepted, Never Be Able To Smile For Real. 

I Will Never Escape My Nightmare.
Last edited: 25 May 2011

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