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This diary entry is written by tiggerlemon101. ( View all entries )
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People These Days....Category: (general)
Friday, 20 May 2011
05:08:25 PM (GMT)
First of all, I know I've been ranting a lot.  Sorry about that- you're under no
obligation to read anything that I write.    
Second of all, Sarah, this isn't about you, LOL.  If it was I wouldn't have written
it.  Notice I said most of my friends.  Anyways...

   I've been finding lately that I hate people.  Okay, that was an exagerration.  I
don't hate people.  However, I do hate the fact that all most of my friends do is
whine to me about the stupidest things, ask me for help with their homework (which
pretty much leads to me doing it for them), vent all their "stressful issues" (such
as doing a presentation in front of the class) to me, and spread gossip about other

   Honestly????  Really, people?  DO YOU THINK I GIVE HALF A F**K ABOUT YOU BEING

   Do you honestly think that I have time to ask someone if I can borrow their
biology notes so that I can copy them out and give them to you, which is pointless
because it's going to take you four days to copy them out since you're the SLOWEST
WRITER ever, which means I won't even have my own notes for the test, LIKE EVERY
OTHER BIOLOGY TEST THIS SEMESTER?  And then you have the audacity to sigh heavily
when I ask you to pick up a worksheet for me, too, since you're already up?

   If you're going to whine to me about being fat, maybe you should actually do
something about it.  I'm sorry that you hate yourself for absolutely no reason but
there's nothing I can do about it.  If you're jealous of my body, then maybe you
should do what I did to get this body: exercise every single day and limit what you
eat.  It's not that hard.  Oh, and seriously, you know about my exercise addiction. 
Just because I'm forty pounds lighter than you (because I'm a hell of a lot more
motivated), doesn't mean you can't take my body image issues seriously.  We're equals

   Okay, if you don't understand one iota of French and have no motivation to do any
work at all in that class, then why did you take it?  I'm sorry, but I feel really
uncomfortable with eight peopel crowding aruond my desk, copying my answers to last
night's homework.  For Pete's sake, just google 'les pronoms objets directs' if you
don't get it, or at least ask me for help instead of just copying my answers.  It's
not that hard.

   Same goes for Shakespeare!  It's not my fault that this culture of texting, MSN
and Facebook chat has destroyed your brain cells to the point where you can't
understand any text that's not 100% literal or that uses words with the suffix "ith."
 Yes, fine, I'll help you, but I need to get my homework done first, and I'm not just
going to outright tell you what the answers are.  And don't even try to tell me it's
my fault you failed because I didn't have time to help you.  Sorry, but I have my own
life, too, and it's way busier than yours.  It's your own fault that you failed; it's
your fault for being f**king STUPID.

-The fact that you didn't get an iPhone a week before your sixteenth birthday,
despite the fact that your sister just got one for her eighteenth birthday.
-The fact that you think you're fat and whine about it all the time, yet do nothing
about it.
-The fact that two kids were making fun of Martin's stutter in that joking, friendly
way that boys do, and that offended you because you stutter too, yet refuse to go see
a speech pathologist.
-The fact that the history teacher changed the seating plan and you no longer sit
next to the guy you like.
-The fact that your mom is "only" giving you $350.00 to spend on our three-day trip
to Ottawa
-The fact that you're practically failing biology because you never do your
-The fact that you are to stupid to understand anything we do in school and
constantly harass me to tell you the answers.
-The fact that you signed up for what you knew was an intense drama program, hoping
to fulfill your dream of becoming a star, and now all you do is whine about the
consequences, knowing they would come.
-The fact that some girls and some guy did stuff and somebody else was talking about
them and blah blah blah.

-Maintaining my own grades instead of worrying about yours.
-Qualifying for the North American Dance Championships, even it means I can't hang
out with you very often because I have to train.
-Making the most out of a trip to the nation's capital and actually learning
something, even if it means ditching you in the gift shop.
-Taking part in campaigns for real issues, such as the shutting down of our
libraries, self-esteem initiatives, and human trafficking in our area, even if it
means not eating lunch with you every day.
-Getting into a good university.
-Trying to overcome my unhealthy relationship with food and exercise (I'm not calling
it an eating disorder because it's not... I don't know what it is).
-Making it through another day of chronic shin splints and muscle knots.

   Now I'm looking at that list, and I feel selfish.  I feel like there must be
something wrong with me to care more about myself, or big global issues that are far
away from here, than I do about my friends, who are always around me and will always
care about me.  I just feel like they're all so immature.  It's not like I have a
particularly hard life; I love my life and my family.  It's just that I'm at a point
where I have some big issues to tackle, and I feel like everyone's so busy with their
petty little business that won't even matter five years from now, and they never even
stop to look at me.  Despite everything that people ask from me, no one ever, EVER
asks if I need help or if I'm okay.
   Sometimes I think I should post something on Facebook, sort of as a joke but I'd
really mean it: For every time I help you with your homework, you have to ask me if I
need anything.  For every piece of advice I give you, you need to listen to me.

   I know that's not the way good friends are, and if I'm a bad friend, then so be
it.  I just want a little recognition for what I do and what I deal with.  I am real,
physical pain almost every day.  I have the weight of the world on my shoulders-
parents, teachers, and friends expect me to be absolutely perfect all the time.  I
feel like when it comes to things like school or even just going out of my way to do
a nice thing, I work so much harder than other people and I get nothing for it.  
   But enough about me.  The other thing that's constantly on my mind when people
complain about little things is there blatant disregard for everyone else in this
world; for the 1 billion people that live below the poverty line; for the child that
dies every five seconds because they don't have clean water to drink; for the soldier
in a psych ward being treated for PTSD; for the woman who was raped last night. 
Would you really care about that iPhone if you, like some other people, weren't
allowed to have even a regular cell phone?  What if you and your family couldn't
afford a cell phone?  What if you couldn't afford food?  Then would you give a shit
about that stupid iPhone that dominates your thoughts?

   This is way longer than it was supposed to be.  I'm finished.

summerrain says:   20 May 2011   749421  

Baww, who's making fun of Martin's stutter?
& HOLYSHIT $350?!
Kirti says:   20 May 2011   626487  
First off, my sympathy for your shin splints.

Somehow the way you worded the first paragraph after the list of
things you care about makes it seem like you don't feel you're selfish
at all. You obviously feel yourself superior to everyone mentioned in
this diary, and maybe that's your right, but it might be healthy to
let yourself fully admit that's how you feel.

But I have to ask- if you hate listening to them telling you about
their lives, and resent them so much, why are they your friends?
tiggerlemon101 says:   21 May 2011   223871  
LOL... Steven and Ahmad or something...
And I KNOW!!!  I'm bringing $120, and it's all my own money.

I know, I know, it makes no sense... the thing is, I like them as
people.  In fact, I love them, and when they come to me with these
problems I do want to help them (okay, not all the time, but
sometimes)- I just want them to freaking ask if I need anything once
in awhile.  I'm not some unemptiable machine of advice and homework
answers.  I'm a person, just like everybody else.

I don't feel like I'm superior persay, just a lot more mature. 
If, by some logic, maturity=superiority, then yes, I'm probably one of
the most superior people in my grade.   But I don't think it does.

I just realized this would have seemed a lot less bitchy if I
mentioned that was directed mainly at four people- not the world.

Thanks for the sympathy, by the way.   
Kirti says:   21 May 2011   799683  
Superior as in you feel you're better then them? Above them? More

Maybe- until the dance contest you're worried about is over- you could
just put some distance between them and you, just those four. You have
enough stress.

And no problem. Are they getting better or worse?
tiggerlemon101 says :   21 May 2011   753608  
Blech I had myself right now, because I've always hated people that
said that.  The thing is, I'm really not complaining about my problems
in general- just about the fact that nobodys seems to care about them.
Also, it's not that my problems are really all that big- it's that the
things those people whine about are so utterly insignificant.  I was
not exagerrating about the iPhone thing.  One of my friends literally
spends at least fifteen minutes a day whining about not having an

My mom and I were just discussing that.  This whole rant aside, I'm
very a very different person from most of my close friends from school
and I honestly only see myself talking to three of them after high
school.  That's not a 'superiority' issue, either; we're just
different.  We have different goals and interests and I think I'm
beginning to grow apart from them anyways.
(Again, Sarah, that's not you.  You're one of the three I mentioned,

It's funny; for the most part they're getting better, but recently
it's been more like random, really bad flare-ups then a dull, constant
ache.  I prefer it this way though.   


Next entry: it's so much colder than i thought it would be so i tuck myself in and
turn my nightlight on ; never grow up <3
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