Thursday, 19 August 2010
03:12:49 AM (GMT)
Dean, you make me cry. ;-;
No one can make me feel the way you do. No one can make me cry for the reasons you
do. To answer you questioin, yes, you do always make me cry. But it's because I love
you. Not 'cause I'm upset. I promise I'll keep my diary forever. I'm actually
contemplating writing it out so that I can keep it even if kupika dies.No matter
what, you can count that I'll be here. Through thick and thin, good days and bad,
you're my best friend. If you ever need anything, tell me and I'll do my absolute
best to make everything work out okay. I love everything about you. So please don't
change, okay? You're so strong hearted, so determined to be yourself. I love that. I
love that you don't let other people walk on you. I love our MSN conversations, and I
love seeing you even more. Your diary did make me cry, and most likely it will every
time I read it.
I know we're going to work. Because I can trust you, as you can me. Because you make
me feel invincible, like I can do things I never would have thought possible. Except,
why would I want you to jump off a bridge? I mean, what sort of best friend asks
that? If you jump, I jump. I swear to god Dean. If you jump off a damned bridge, I'll
revive you just to bitchslap you for being stupid. Then I'll make you watch me jump.
I would never, ever decide to shift and go down my own path, unless you're right
there beside me. I say this a lot, but I swear on everything I've lived for that I
couldn't live without you.
If I cried for every second I missed you more than anyone I know, I would never stop
bawling. I miss you every second of every day. I miss you with every fiber in my
body. I wish we were closer, but until the day I turn eighteen, distance is always
going to be a factour. You're right, though, the nights we spent giggling endlessly
for no reason at all, and every kiss we've had do make up for that distance.
The funny thing is, I don't regret anything. A lot of people say I should, that I
should be cross with you for breaking up with me. But I'm not upset anymore. The
remembrance doesn't hurt anymore. It makes me feel good. It makes me remember the
three weeks we spent together, and how much I do miss you. I love walking into my
kitchen and remembering everything that happened in that particular room. I love
remembering that you told me you wanted to kiss me on a note, it was hannah montana
to be exact. I love remembering that it took us three billion tries to get one
picture of us kissing. Which,by the way, I still have. I keep it as a memory. I used
to loathe looking at it. But now I click on the diary every so often just to see it.
The swingset is still my favourite. And the garbage can. They'll always be my
favourites. I don't know why. When your mother smacked you, I didn't even-I didn't
know what to do. I was so afraid you were going to hit her back. As much as she
deserved it, I was afraid it would happen. I was there for you because I care about
you, so, so much. I held you because I didn't want you to hurt anyumore. I told you
it would get better because I know it will.
Just know that everyting I say is true. I mean every little thing I say to you, it
comes from my heart, not my head. There honestly is nothing I wouldn't do for you. If
you asked me to steal my mother's car and drive out to pennsylvania to see you, I'd
do it right now. But sadly she doesn't have a car. That's not my point. I'd risk
everything and anything for you, including my life.
I would much rather have you and no one else than have all the friends in the world
without you. I spend my days talking to you because I want to, not because I feel
obligated to. You don't understand. You Are my real life. Just because we
can't phsyically see eachother, does not mean that you're not more important that
anyone I've ever met. You're more important than everyone I know combined. I love you
more than words can describe, and don't you ever forget that.
Sammy Winchester; Tori.
PS. don't be sorry. c: