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This diary entry is written by ‹She'llFlyThatBlackHawkDown♥.›. ( View all entries )
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I'm LostCategory: (general)
Tuesday, 9 March 2010
06:21:40 PM (GMT)
There's allways that point in life where you fall in love once. That first love is
like heaven. Then its interfeared by another person. And hence, your second love.

     As simple as an insult on my height, and an insult on his pants,Sam and
Iconnected. How, I have no idea but it was so simple. Proceeding un-daggared teasing
against each others appearence, we fell. But my problem was that I was still in a
relationship with Dustin, and at the time I still loved that kid with all my heart.
But somehow that all seemed to be lies the more I spent time with Sam. Sam made me
feel as if I had no one to impress, while Dustin on the other hand, made me feel like
I had to do so much for him to be satisfied. Basically, I wasn't confortable in my
own skin around him. Sam- This vulgar, perverted, bad-boy that I'd just met- got me
to come to school without makeup for an entire week. Something Dustin couldn't do the
entire year we were together. Sam made me feel like a whole different person, and
soon I became one. I learned the harshness of Love and Life through his eyes and how
I was just being decieved. By then, I stopped feeling butterflies when Dustin called,
and I never felt the warm feeling in my chest when we exchanged 'I love You's. In
fact, I felt guilty for saying it. So then I finally called it quits. After a few
weeks, I finally gave Sam permission to ask me out, and I said yes. The butterflies
made their re-appearance when Sam would text me, or pull me away from his friends so
that him and I could talk and the warm feeling in my chest appeared when we hugged,
or when he called me beautiful, and when my heart almost stopped when we kissed for
the first time. Though we never said "I love you" I knew, and still know I have
strong feelings for Sam. Feelings so strong, I wish I could call it love, but my
heart's not ready for that yet.
     Unfortunately, Sam made a huge mistake. He let temptations get ahead of what was
really important. 
     He followed in the wrong footsteps, and now our relationship must halt because
of it.
     I'm losing My Sam. My Sam that teases me about my height, and the little things
that make me irate, and how I have a blind side for guy choices, and how I make faces
unconciously- but he then comes to compliment these things as "Cute" and "Funny". My
Sam that could talk endlessly about music, just like me. My Sam that forces me to
wear his jacket when I don't bring my own. My Sam that gets jealous when another guy
talks to me. 
     My Sam.
     His chains around my neck, around my wrist, his warm, yummy smelling purple
jacket will no longer be worn by me. He will lose me, and I will lose Him. 
     I've become Lost.
     Sam chose the bad over me.
     Sam dropped me.

Music: (Repeat)
Demon Hunter- Carry Me Down (4)
NeverShoutNever- Seven Years
Adam Gontier- The Drugs Don't Work (2)
FlyLeaf- Again (2)
Second Hand Senerade- Your Call
Charon- Fall
The Used- The Bird And The Worm
Red- Fight Inside
Seether- Careless Whisper
Pink- Sober (4)
Red- Confessions (3)
There For Tomorrow- Ice Box
Damien Rice- 9 Crimes; Piano Ver (3)
SixxAm- Life Is Beautiful (3)
Eminem- Amasing Shady Narcotics Remake (2)
Eyes Set To Kill- Come Home (5)
Sugarcult- Pretty Girl

I reccomend Listening to these songs. They're beautiful.

NiikShotTheLoveBullet says:   16 March 2010   877972  
And I keep thinking about what you've been through, and I hate how
you can still keep yourself together. You've had your heart broken so
many times, I'm surprised you even gave Sam the chance into yours. I
say that I hate your strength because I don't even have that inhuman
ability. I hope deep down in my soul that you find a man that will
treat you right, like Sam did at first, but not leave you like he did.
You guys had so much in common and it killed me when I heard that he
left you. I hope you get well.
‹She'llFlyThatBlackHawkDown♥.› says :   17 March 2010   271708  
Oh believe me Niik, I'm not strong. Hell, I crawled back to him
telling him that I was sorry and that he was imortant to me (which he
was and still is) that's when we had our first fight. But you're
right. I don't see how or why I gave Sam the key to my heart, but I
suppose it was all the things we shared in common that gave him the
upper hand. I've never had so much in common with a boyfriend as I did
him. he definately wont be forgotton for sure. Thanks Niik. 


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